Archive for the ‘Jibar vs. Rutskarn’ Category

The Jibar vs. Rutskarn Luchadore Crime Podcast

30 Jul

In this action-packed, wrestling-smacked, completely-wacked episode of Jibar vs. Rutskarn, we hop around Steelport running missions through the power of tag-team lucha libre.

In the meantime, we discuss the holes in my head, why Jibar hates Victorian period dramas, Suplex Safari, crazy adventures in gun control, the neo-navi movement,  Jibar’s walking apocalypse of a roommate, and why he had to apologize to his TRON: Legacy DVD.

 

Hitlympics, Episode One (Ruts)

29 Mar

Guest-starring Josh, Mumbles, and an ensemble cast of Ventrilo vagrants.

 

Payday 5

03 Mar

Last episode of Payday is in the can. My audio’s a bit of-you can be sure that’s going to be fixed by the next time we record.

I couldn’t get to a scanner to upload the art for World Creation, so I’ll knock that out with the tablet and put up the post next time I get the chance.

 

Payday 4

12 Feb

And this is where we start getting frustrated. Fun fact: episodes 2, 3, and 4 were recorded in one marathon session, and this is the part where tired free-association met the really, really tough firefights.

 

Payday 2

24 Jan

Wherein a meth lab calls the cops, I call a shotgun offensive things, and Jibar and I shop for our future rec room.

Also: at the beginning, we’re worried that Jibar’s voice chat will be lagging behind too much, but this actually evens itself out pretty quickly.

 

Jibar vs. Rutskarn: Payday

12 Jan

Gotta run–thoughts later, video now.

 

Borderbutts 2

09 Sep

As an apology for the finals-week contentlessness, here’s an extra video. We’ll be back on track this coming week.

As per usual, the video will not have finished uploading by the time this is posted.

 

JibSkarn and BhaseFox: Borderlands Intro 1

09 Sep

(As usual, the video will not be fully uploaded when this post is launched, so if it’s not showing, check back in a bit.)

Over the next few months, the extended Jibar vs. Rutskarn crew is going to be playing Borderlands. You can watch it, if you’re inclined to. Know that these early episodes, the ones that include commentary on the game and the rough edges of an LP structure, are not representative of where the show is headed. Know that we have played this game before, and the result was a perpetual orgy of trolling, backstabbing, car wrestling, fragile alliances, in-jokes, dirty jokes, failing to understand the main storyline, coming up with our own main storyline, stealing guns, incompetence, willful incompetence, and dueling each other. A major reason we’re recording the show is to give future detectives a lead on what caused four people that lived thousands of miles away to spontaneously journey to a meeting place and beat each other to death with pipe wrenches.

Meet the crew:

Rutskarn

Character: Mordecai

Team Aliases: Ruts, Buttskarn, Buttacos, Skarnrut

Rutskarn’s combat style could be best described as “narcoleptic birdwatcher with a BB gun.” He balances a lack of aptitude for sniping with a lack of interest in sniping, and picked as his character the guy with all the sniping-related powers.

Special Skills: Forgetting to buy things, forgetting to sell things, vehicular trolling.

 

BlackFox

Character: Lilith

Team Aliases: Bawks, Wacky, kazulwashere

BlackFox is the fourth member of the Jibskarn crew to appear in these recordings. You can think of her as being the Team Mother—as befits this particular “family”, in that she’s abusive, neglectful, and on the cusp of leaving us for someone cool and sexually attractive.

Special Skills: Kiting enemies and letting everyone else deal with them, getting to the vehicles before Rutskarn can.

 

Phase

Character: Brick

Team Aliases: Phuse, Phasestab

Phase has only two loves in life: murdering lower life forms for science, and abusing game mechanics for science. You eventually figure out that with Phase, “science” means “whatever I felt like doing at the moment.”

Special Skills: Punching problems, punching solutions, punching abstract concepts.

 

Jibar

Character: Roland

Team Aliases: Screw You Jibar, What Have You Done Jibar, This is All Your Fault Jibar, Jibar23

Jibar’s the best in the world at what he does. Nobody knows what that is, but by inference, it must be somewhere near the exact opposite of playing first-person videogames.

Special Skills: Pilfering the best loot, paying attention to the quest, avoiding repercussions for his sins.

 

 

 

JaR: Icewind Dale 2, Part 2

28 Jul

EDIT: Stream’s moved to tomorrow. That’s Friday, same time, same place.

The video’s a tiny bit choppy, which is because all of this footage was actually lost. To recover it, I had to run it through a dozen different programs, some of which weren’t designed for handling video of any kind and at least two of which were Minesweeper clients. In the future, this is fixed.

Stream today at 5:00 PM PST, www.livestream.com/chocolatehammer.org. I’ll be uploading this and future episodes to YouTube–the audio was too messed up on the first FRAPS recording to bother, so I’ll re-record a YouTube version of the first half hour before I start putting up the new episodes. More info tomorrow.

 

Jibar vs. Rutskarn: Icewind Dale 2

21 Jul

Reminder: I’ll be streaming single-player Dark Messiah of Might and Magic at 5:00 PM PST today, Thursday 21. Stream location is www.livestream.com/chocolatehammer.

Yeah, bet you didn’t see this one coming.

Icewind Dale 2 is an RPG of the old Baldur’s Gate school: top-down, 2D graphics, dialog trees, no bloody cover mechanics. It’s not a work of art–but the story is fun in a cheesy way, the combat is entertaining, and the co-op mode is surprisingly engaging. That is, when Jibar isn’t being a complete goddamned turdfoot and filling up half the team with okay, you know what, just watch the video.

Caveat: I am aware that the video quality’s a little low and the FRAPS counter is rendered on top of the game in some parts. At least one of those things will be fixed in future recording sessions, and I’ll look into the other.

As promised, here are the omitted biographies:

Jibar:

Lost shortly after birth by a mother with a particularly short memory and raised in the forest by a pack of dire armadillos, the feral dwarf Grumblearse became a local legend for both his savagery in battle with invading bandits and his ability to smell like he had been dead for several long months. One day, when surprising a group of unwanted travelers, he was surprised to discover that they were in fact a knight and his herald. Befriending them, somehow, the knight swore to civilize the dwarf and bestowed upon him his first name: “Grumblearse.” Now he travels with them as a friend and useful ally.

Rutskarn:

Tea the Bearded Lady and Greyby the World’s Tallest Dwarf are bosom companions. As junior members of the world-famous Rynglyng Brothers One-Ring Dwarven Circus, Tea and Greyby lived piteous and miserable lives in the shadow of speedfreak strongmen and incontinent elephants—part of the Freak Exhibit, a sideshow to amuse patrons that had gotten lost between the privy and the stand that sold caramel-dipped turkey legs. Greyby and Tea found different ways of coping with their unpleasant existence: Greyby prayed to the god known as the Painbearer (“The only one who really understands me”), and Tea read whatever volumes she could get her slightly hairy hands on. One wonderful day, both realized they had unlocked gifts within themselves—rare, beautiful gifts that they could use to forge a better life. So they blew the circus owners to bloody bits and legged it to the nearest dock.

Reginald Cuftbert broke a bottle over the last guy who asked for his life’s story. The bottle was made of cast iron.