Archive for January, 2009

Pretty Pictures: The Glamor Shots of Evil

29 Jan

Some of you coming over from the Playground will have already seen the contents of this week’s post. It concerns the members of AMEN, a sort of evil RP organization dedicated to evilly doing evil sorts of evil.

I’ve drawn a few of the members, including myself.

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The Last Squirrelening

29 Jan

This post is a bit rushed and disorganized, but that can’t be helped. Well, okay, it can, but shut up.

Why did I eventually quit World of Warcraft? That kind of question needs a thousand words or a dozen. I’ll make do with the former.

I decided to start a blog instead. Bigger audience, more fun. Antidisestablishmentarianism.

And now, in no particular order, the rest of the post.

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Necessary Force

29 Jan

Hopefully, I’ll have both the last Squirrel post and the Pretty Picture post up tonight as well. In the meantime, by way of apology for the lateness of my final Squirrel entry, I provide you with the following fiction in the Great Machine universe. Narrated in the first person, for once.

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Vatsy and Bruno, Part One

27 Jan

Alright, I’m taking a little detour here. For the next several weeks, I’m going to post parts of a short fiction I’m in the process of writing. These pages are effectively a rough draft, but I’m still trying to put a small degree of polish into them. Also, I’m promising myself that in addition to doing the heavy lifting for the rest of the blog, I’ll write and polish the equivalent of one page of work every day. I’m sure this will go perfectly, without any procrastination at all or anything.

Without further ado, I present Part One of Vatsy and Bruno: First Ink.

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50th Post

26 Jan

I’d like to momentarily delay the usual fiction to bring you all a notice: This is officially the 50th post on Chocolate Hammer.

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World Creation 10: Wasteland Ettiquette

25 Jan

When we left off last week, I promised to address the issue of humans outside of the Great Machine.*

First, I need a name for these people existing outside of civilization. Off the middle of my head, I’ll say The Scattered, because it sounds just grandiose and vague enough to sound reasonably clever until I come up with something better.

The Scattered consist of anyone who doesn’t belong to or contribute to the Great Machine. Obviously, since this is such an enormous demographic, it’s hardly homogenous. There are many, many different cultures and organizations spread throughout, and chances are that even peoples in the same area have their little differences. There is only one constant—The Scattered don’t really have civilization as we know it.

As a whole, The Scattered have no ready access to resources or arable farmland. The Great Machine has already snapped up almost all of the people and territory that have those things. They have only what food foraging and hunting can provide, only what resources can be picked off the ground.

There are certain tendencies that are common amongst The Scattered Peoples:
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The Week to Come

24 Jan

There is a respectable amount of evidence to suggest that there are, in fact, five stages of insanity, five stepping stones on the road to utter madness. In our case, stage one would be Sunday, a word synonymous with The Week to Come.

Stages 1-4 include:

  • Tribal Theory
  • Trouble in Paradise
  • Last Mementos of a Squirrel Salesman
  • The Art of Evil

Fun Fact for the Week: An infinite amount of monkeys on an infinite amount of typewriters will eventually produce the complete works of Shakespeare. Nonetheless, this is probably the most pedestrian waste of an infinite amount of monkeys conceivable.


Pretty Picture: White Mage, Black Mage–I’m the guy with the gun.

22 Jan

This is an image of a mage from a fantasy setting a friend and I created. It’s got some more modern technologies, such as decent firearms, but is mostly reliant on elbow grease and petty magic.

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More Tales of Squirrels and Chocolate

21 Jan

When we last left our intrepid salesman/hero, he was gaining traction fast. The awkward first days, where he was regarded as a curiosity at best or a moron at worst, were beginning to fade…replaced with days where was regarded as a fine novelty at best and an immense moron at worst. I didn’t mind the tradeoff—a choicer brand of hecklers meant a sharper brand of banter.

In any case, I was actually making some decent money off the squirrels. Especially after I started to use the instructions, I was starting to get tips that doubled or tripled my projected profits from each batch of squirrels. Pretty soon, it completely surpassed adventuring as my primary source of income (although to be fair, this was partially because my actual questing was often put on hold for another rousing round of rodent-wrangling).

As I dedicated more and more time to my little business, things began to emerge out of my actions that I hadn’t forseen. For example, take the matter of my supplier.

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Report Re: Freak of Nature

19 Jan

The following is a special report from Ranger Outpost 52C, near a newly colonized mining area. It was leaked to an underground news network that circulated it throughout the central cities. The Great Machine has confirmed the information within, and has stated that “steps are being taken.” They have declined to clarify what, exactly, this means.

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