Team Butts Plays PAYDAY 2: First Heist

23 Sep

Our first foray into PAYDAY 2, a game of stealth, failed attempts at stealth, shootouts, failed shootouts, truncated jail sentences, and mass cop murder. It’s a blast.

The skinny: our crew regularly plays games together. With heist-like precision, we all bought this game simultaneously. With an imprecision that in my experience is equally heistlike, Jibar then proceeded to play the game for many hours and gain fifty levels despite the rest of us remaining totally blind. So we swore him to both a lowered equipment level and absolute secrecy about how the game works. (He doesn’t quite manage it.)

Over the course of this series, you will see every heist we attempt in their entirety–including one repeat of this mission with very different results. You will see us grow. You will see us learn together to stealth, covering fire, crowd control…and love.

This heist takes place before all that. It pretty much goes to shit.

LEAST VALUABLE PLAYER AWARD (Spoilers for after the jump)

The competition for the coveted “LVP” slot is always a fierce one. But for his firm dedication to blasting civilians for absolutely no goddamn reason, and his even firmer dedication to rent-a-cop frottage, Phase brings the trophy home this week. Congratulations, Phase. You win this round.


Leave a Reply


  1. Humanoid

    September 23, 2014 at 12:39 am

    I was just about to complain on the Diecast thread that there was no recording saved on Hitbox and we’d have another Aunty Paladin incident.

    (No idea how Hitbox recordings work compared to Twitch, by the way)

  2. Benjamin Hilton

    September 23, 2014 at 8:40 am

    @ Humanoid

    Yeah I was so sad when I found out Aunty Paliin was lost.

  3. Jarenth

    September 23, 2014 at 11:19 am


    That was definitely some footage of four people playing a video game incredibly confusingly.

  4. Jibar

    September 23, 2014 at 11:55 am

    That’s neat and all, but what about real fan favourites, like Rainbow Six. When are we going to get videos of that.

  5. BlackFox

    September 23, 2014 at 4:25 pm

    God daaaaaaaaamn I am terrible at video games. At least I’m pretty alright at annoying the hell out of Jibar.

  6. McNutcase

    September 23, 2014 at 8:41 pm

    Man, I remember being that clueless at Payday 2. Now… I’d probably be just as clueless because I haven’t played in months, but being a Techforcer, I have enough health and armour to be damn near unkillable anyway.

  7. Ringwraith

    September 24, 2014 at 7:20 am

    The game does not a good job of attempting to teach you… anything, really.
    Which is rather a shame, although it is probably most fun with things go wrong and you attempt to salvage the situation.

  8. Flammarion

    September 24, 2014 at 11:12 pm

    I’ve always maintained that Payday 2 is actually set in a purgatory reality for criminals.

    I mean, you find a job ‘online’ using a criminal website that apparently law enforcement never discovers. Then you go into a small section of the city that you can’t leave which contains a finite amount of people who wander aimlessly, unable to leave themselves. You can kill infinity cops with minimal consequences, and eventually you escape with a whole bunch of money, but literally the only thing you can use that money for is getting more equipment and skills to make you better at doing crime, perpetuating a vicious cycle.

  9. noahpocalypse

    October 10, 2014 at 10:46 am

    Hey. You guys should totally shoot some more cops and get shot and steal stuff and get shot and post videos about it and get shot. All the cool kids are doing it.

  10. Anonymous

    December 29, 2014 at 4:33 pm

    Y’know, I know I’m waaaay late to the party, here, but Jibar is wrong in one explanation.
    Four Stores is, by far, the easiest heist. Especially once literally anybody in the party unlocks the first Ghost skill.