{"id":1313,"date":"2009-10-25T23:57:17","date_gmt":"2009-10-26T07:57:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1313"},"modified":"2026-06-15T17:07:24","modified_gmt":"2026-06-16T01:07:24","slug":"in-a-hostile-country-the-saga-of-cahmel-lets-play-morrowind-part-19","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1313","title":{"rendered":"In a Hostile Country: The Saga of Cahmel (Let’s Play Morrowind, Part 19)"},"content":{"rendered":"

When we last left our hero, he had a price on his head, fresh blood on his hands, the attention of the law, and a really, really terrible quest in the queue.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t even remember what it was. All I know is that it sounded pretty godawful. Something about\u2026mines. And mine-related activities, I dunno. Probably work some murder and larceny in there somewhere. Routine stuff, basically. So I figure, hey, I\u2019ve been taking orders from Lazy MacPruneface long enough. It\u2019s about time I got promoted again.<\/p>\n

I bring this up to her\u2014you have to actively ask your questgiver to promote you, apparently because little things like a higher pay grade slip their mind otherwise\u2014and she tells me that basically, she\u2019s not actually qualified to promote me any higher. She suggests that if I didn\u2019t want to run various chores for her, a man named Crassius Curio could give me a promotion and better quests. If, you know, I\u2019m into that sort of thing.<\/p>\n

So\u2026let me get this straight. There\u2019s a guy out there who will a.) give me a promotion and b.) give me better jobs than the ones you\u2019ve been giving me? Why, exactly, didn\u2019t you tell me about this? Oh, right, because you don\u2019t want to have to train some new guy. It takes a couple weeks of intensive industrial espionage and murder before you\u2019re qualified to deliver a package<\/em>, and those are weeks of sitting around on your fat keister that you\u2019re never going to get back.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t take this the wrong way, but screw you<\/em>, lady, I\u2019m out of here. I don\u2019t have to take directions from you any longer! Just point out where Crassius Curio is and I\u2019ll be on my way.<\/p>\n

Vivec, you say.<\/p>\n

\u2026do you still have my position open?<\/p>\n

I decide to leave anyway. So with a heavy heart I walk through the doors, bump into a guard, remember that I\u2019ve still got a 1,000 drake bounty on my head, resist arrest because I don\u2019t want to lose my stolen items, sprint to a silt strider, ride to Vivec, run to a store, unload my items, and surrender to an Ordinator.<\/p>\n

Then I go to see Crassius.<\/p>\n

Crassius is one of the big players in House Hlaalu. This is a man who\u2019s clawed his way up to the top in a house built on larceny, backstabbing, fraud, and behind-the-scenes dealings\u2014in other words, he\u2019s a proven tough guy who can take any comers. So I dress for success in my finest blood-stained armor, wipe my feet on the rug, and enter his mansion.<\/p>\n

He greets me like this.
\n\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u2026<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
\n\u2026<\/p>\n

\u2026I\u2026<\/p>\n

\u2026<\/p>\n

\u2026finally, a job that plays to my strengths<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Okay. Okay, I can do this. Sure, he\u2019s a creepy (equal-opportunity, for all you ladies out there) lecher, and sure, this scene is probably intensely awkward for my character, but that doesn\u2019t change the fact that I seriously need this guy. Well, not like\u2026you know what I meant! What I mean is, I can\u2019t take doing another dull frickin\u2019 errand for that dull frickin\u2019 lady, and I\u2019m tired of being treated like some pimple-faced teenager who has to be reminded to lock the doors and turn off the popcorn machine at night.. If I\u2019m going to succeed in life and be respected amongst my peers, I\u2019m going to have to grit my teeth and get through this<\/em>.<\/p>\n

You want a show? I\u2019ll give you a show. But the diaper stays on.<\/p>\n

I disrobe and stand there in all of my glory.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

"Okay, come on, Cahmel, you've done this before. Just pretend he's a swarthy Dunmer bandit. Er, no, wait, that sounds wrong. Pretend he's a freakish pregnant insect. Oh, god, I have issues."<\/p><\/div>\n

After seeing me naked, he gives me a promotion. Yeah, that\u2019s exactly as dirty as it sounds, and shut up. I tug my pants back on, accept my promotion with what little dignity I retain, and am given my first quest:<\/p>\n

Deliver a package to a man in OH GO TO HELL<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Oh, alright, technically my actual assignment is to go to a guy in Caldera. He\u2019ll<\/em> give me a package to deliver, as well as further instructions. I don\u2019t know if I\u2019m relieved or outraged that the guy I just unsheathed my saber for isn\u2019t even going to be giving me my orders.<\/p>\n

I head to Caldera.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

I can't help but feel I'm forgetting something.<\/p><\/div>\n

It\u2019s raining, which does little to dilute the cauldron of pure bitterness that\u2019s bubbling up to my ears. It doesn\u2019t take me long to find the man I\u2019m looking for\u2014surprising, considering my directions (as per usual) were, \u201che\u2019s in the city somewhere.\u201d Luckily, I\u2019ve come to realize that this translates as, \u201cIn a small side room of a large building that\u2019s a pain in the arse to get to.\u201d<\/p>\n

There, I receive my new instructions:<\/p>\n

I am to deliver a sealed package, which I am not to read, to a woman in the Hlaalu treasury. I am not\u2014and this is important\u2014to deliver it to the man who actually runs the treasury. He stresses this quite emphatically. I am instead to give it to a woman of a lesser rank, and not, to reiterate, to the man who I would typically be giving this package to. Get it? Got it. Good.<\/p>\n

I take the package, walk outside, and open it. It\u2019s pretty much exactly what you\u2019d expect\u2014hey, I\u2019m stealing stuff, please falsify stuff, then we can run away and screw over Hlaalu. I turn it in to the guy I\u2019m not supposed to turn it in to, and am told, \u201cHm, this is interesting. Just forget about it. Put it out of your mind.\u201d He gives me 500 drakes for my troubles. Uh, thanks, mister. I go to Crassius, assuming that a signed declaration of intent to commit fraud would possibly lower this guy on the org chart, but discover that I am mistaken. Apparently, this guy that I very publically screwed over is still going to be in charge of giving me my assignments for a while.<\/p>\n

Fantabulous.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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