{"id":1385,"date":"2009-11-16T02:12:41","date_gmt":"2009-11-16T10:12:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1385"},"modified":"2026-06-15T17:07:24","modified_gmt":"2026-06-16T01:07:24","slug":"in-a-hostile-country-the-saga-of-cahmel-lets-play-morrowind-part-22","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1385","title":{"rendered":"In a Hostile Country: The Saga of Cahmel (Let&#8217;s Play Morrowind, Part 22)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>When we last left our hero, he was experiencing a bit of workplace tension. And by that, I mean he was wondering where the best place to hide a body in Caldera is. Seriously\u2014this questline seems to be a cycle of getting an intelligence-insultingly shady mission, doing the sensible thing, having to go through a mountain of hassle because of it, and then getting paid jack didley for my efforts. Thankfully, I am at heart a man of peace, and I am willing to see this thing through with patience and dignity.<\/p>\n<p>(It\u2019s in a ditch on the outskirts of the mine, by the way.)<\/p>\n<p>He gives me my next mission. Apparently, some nearby farmers don\u2019t get the concept of paying taxes, and they owe us about a hundred drakes. My mission, and I really have no choice but to accept, is to hunt down each one of these crotchety bastards and alternately threaten, plead, bribe, and work for them until they fork over what they owe.<\/p>\n<p>Or, alternately, I can just give him 100 drakes. Right now. Without having to go through pointless rigmarole, without having to extract blood from the exsanguinated turnip that is our farming corps, without even having to leave the goddamn room. So that\u2019s exactly what I do.<\/p>\n<p>I love his reaction, too. He\u2019s like, \u201cOh, I\u2019m pleasantly surprised that you managed to collect the taxes.\u201d Yeah, what can I say. I marched down to those farmers, gave them a lecture on civic duty, and collected 100 clams in the time it took for me to roll my eyes and re-open a dialogue window. The evidence suggests that I\u2019m the <em>best taxman ever.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Paradoxically, I\u2019m probably saving money doing this. I\u2019m guessing that I\u2019d get the taxes back by raising my influence with the peasants, and since I slept through my Not Being an Unlikeable Scoffwad classes in middle school and I\u2019m about as scary as a pile of warm laundry, I\u2019d probably do that by bribing the hell out of them. The standard I-want-to-put-a-dent-in-your-unreasonable-hatred-of-me bribe (also called the Bastard Tax) is about 100 drakes, so I\u2019m saving time and doing myself a favor by just skipping the middle man and bribing my boss. Now I just have to dodge allegations that I\u2019m a communist for bailing out the farmers.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m confident that that wasn\u2019t a painfully trite and outdated joke at <em>all<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>While I\u2019m on the subject, I\u2019d like to point out that I\u2019m pleasantly surprised the game lets you do this. It\u2019s a perfectly valid solution, and it makes a lot of sense from my character\u2019s perspective. I mean, Cahmel\u2019s a busy guy. He\u2019s got places to go, things to do, brain-dead NPCs to save from themselves. It\u2019s a wonder I can ever fit doing my job into my busy schedule.<\/p>\n<p>Anyway. This means I get my next mission right out of the gate. I\u2019ll go ahead and let my boss tell you what it is:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/lp22-1ebony1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-1387\" title=\"lp22-1ebony1\" src=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/lp22-1ebony1.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"206\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/lp22-1ebony1.jpg 505w, https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/lp22-1ebony1-300x124.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Do I even have to say anything?<br \/>\n<!--more--><br \/>\nI\u2026you know, I really, truly feel sorry for this guy. He\u2019s like one of those guys who go to business school and tell anyone who\u2019ll listen that they\u2019re going to retire at 35, because they\u2019ve got this awesome business involving seat belts that tell you what temperature it is or disposable electric razors or something. They\u2019re just so determined, so sure they\u2019re going to go the distance, but everyone around them can tell that they\u2019re going to end up sitting on top of a pile of unsold product, bankruptcy paperwork, and empty bottles of Jack Daniels. Because ambition aside, they\u2019re incompetent jackasses who\u2019re better suited to a 9-to-5 job and a lemonade stand.<\/p>\n<p>On the other hand, I hate him, because in this analogy I\u2019m his underpaid secretary who\u2019s being asked to burn the books\u2014uh, I mean, this book-shaped firewood that is in now way related to my ledgers, but by the way <em>tell no one of this.<br \/>\n<\/em><br \/>\nCripes.<\/p>\n<p>Needless to say, I make a beeline right for the creepy man. Yeah, yeah, I know the drill. Just keep looking the other way, see how deep the rabbit hole goes. Uh. I guess I shouldn\u2019t use any analogy involving the word \u201chole\u201d around this guy.<\/p>\n<p>So, I\u2019ll just go back and<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/lp22-3cosades.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-1389\" title=\"lp22-3cosades\" src=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/lp22-3cosades.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"286\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/lp22-3cosades.jpg 790w, https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/lp22-3cosades-300x214.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Wait, what did you just say?<\/p>\n<p>\u2026so, <em>don<\/em>\u2019t go back to this guy? Take this to a law officer? Have this guy <em>arrested<\/em>?<\/p>\n<p>Holy crap on a cremesicle, this is the happiest moment of my violent, luckless, moron-sitting <em>life<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t so much run to the nearest teleporter as skip. The fact that I\u2019m using any form of foot-based transportation is indicative of how goddamn happy I am\u2014remember that part in the beginning where I said I\u2019d walk everywhere? Well, Vivec has brought me to the point where I started running, then started noclipping, then started noclipping AND running, and it was STILL TOO SLOW.<\/p>\n<p>Sorry, I shouldn\u2019t be getting so worked up. This is a <em>happy <\/em>occasion. I\u2019m setting up a superior to hang by his toes, a move that will bring me elevated status and a well-deserved bonus. By Hlaalu regulations, I think it might technically be my birthday now.<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_1391\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/lp22-2castle1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-1391\" class=\"size-full wp-image-1391\" title=\"lp22-2castle1\" src=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/lp22-2castle1.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/lp22-2castle1.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/lp22-2castle1-300x225.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-1391\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Within these walls, justice will be served. Er. Relatively. This IS Hlaalu, after all.<\/p><\/div>\n<p>I drop off the evidence, get a promise that he\u2019ll be arrested, and do a dance of joy. You know what? This calls for celebration. <em>In the only way I know how.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/lp22-4dance.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-1390\" title=\"lp22-4dance\" src=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/lp22-4dance.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"499\" height=\"365\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/lp22-4dance.jpg 574w, https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/lp22-4dance-300x219.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 499px) 100vw, 499px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Tune in next week for a mission that\u2019s actually pretty damn cool.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When we last left our hero, he was experiencing a bit of workplace tension. And by that, I mean he was wondering where the best place to hide a body in Caldera is. Seriously\u2014this&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[153,268],"tags":[152,300,151],"class_list":["post-1385","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play","category-lets-play-morrowind","tag-cahmel","tag-lets-play","tag-morrowind"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>In a Hostile Country: The Saga of Cahmel (Let&#039;s Play Morrowind, Part 22) -<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1385\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"In a Hostile Country: The Saga of Cahmel (Let&#039;s Play Morrowind, Part 22) -\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When we last left our hero, he was experiencing a bit of workplace tension. 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