{"id":1433,"date":"2009-11-30T00:04:36","date_gmt":"2009-11-30T08:04:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1433"},"modified":"2026-06-15T17:07:24","modified_gmt":"2026-06-16T01:07:24","slug":"in-a-hostile-country-the-saga-of-cahmel-lets-play-morrowind-part-25","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1433","title":{"rendered":"In a Hostile Country: The Saga of Cahmel (Let’s Play Morrowind, Part 25)"},"content":{"rendered":"

When we last left our hero, he was seriously contemplating defecting to another house. I mean, intelligence-insulting quests? I can handle that. Larceny and murder? Comes with the territory. Harassment? Creepy, but bearable. But asking me to escort an NPC<\/em> through bandit-infested territory<\/em> to a town that I\u2019d been forced to streak through twice<\/em>? This isn\u2019t so much a quest as a world tour of frustration and humiliation.<\/p>\n

Okay, calm yourself, Cahmel. It\u2019s not that bad. They probably won\u2019t even remember me, right? It\u2019s not like a drug-running nude courier tends to stick in the memory. Oh, and I\u2019ve got a full-faced helmet now. Also, and this is important, NPCs have the attention spans of goldfish on bathtub acid. Yeah. Yeah, I should be fine.<\/p>\n

Except for the whole escort quest part. Yeah, that\u2019s still gonna suck.<\/p>\n

I meet up with my \u201ctraveling companion.\u201d I must admit, my concerns that he\u2019d be a blundering ignoramus were immediately allayed by his choice in wardrobe. I mean, tell me this doesn\u2019t scream, \u201cwalking across dusty ash country and trying not to get noticed by bandits.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Yeah. I could tell this guy was just as sharp as butter.<\/p>\n

We set out on our journey through the wastes. I stick to the roads whenever I can, not trusting him to navigate any terrain rougher than a papal game of badminton. Still, he manages to lodge himself on rocks, fence posts, stiff bits of grass, passing scribs, passing bits of scrib jerky, unusually humid air, the farts of gnats, etc, every few minutes or so.<\/p>\n

Somehow, it\u2019d surprise me each time. I\u2019d be jogging along at my little clip and then I\u2019d turn around, knowing even as I did so that he\u2019d have mired himself against some bit of microscopic geometry. I like to imagine his expression grew a mite sheepish; I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s true, and I suspect it\u2019s not, but it makes me feel better to project some sort of remorse onto his damnable smug grin.<\/p>\n

Of course, it\u2019s no picnic even when he\u2019s right behind me. That bastard is slow<\/em>. Maybe it\u2019s because he won\u2019t take a walk without a highly-trained escort, maybe it\u2019s because he\u2019s a sack of bureaucratic pudge, or maybe he just enjoys screwing with me\u2026<\/p>\n

Ooh. I bet it\u2019s that last one.<\/p>\n

\u2026but he moves at the pace of a stunned sloth. Alright, maybe he\u2019s a bit quicker than Granny Pruneface, but he\u2019s still a burden and a half.<\/p>\n

Still, for several minutes, wrangling this guy was the only challenge of my position. I was half-convinced that this whole story about bandit attacks was a ruse, and they just needed a more graceful way of saying, \u201cWe need someone to hold this guy\u2019s hand, keep him on the path, and make sure he doesn\u2019t eat too much paper while he\u2019s away.\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s when I see the bandit.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s a Dunmer, he\u2019s well dressed, and he\u2019s got a magic weapon. He\u2019s a highwayman, but he has a polite demeanor and is basically nonthreatening. Funny how this is the second such guy<\/em> to appear around Pelegiad. Is this some sort of backwards gentleman-thief mecca, or is this guy a particularly pathetic copycat criminal?<\/p>\n

Whatever. I talk to him. He\u2019s all cordial and polite, and seems genuinely concerned for my welfare vis-\u00e0-vis him not having to kill me. I guess the whole cultured bandit thing\u2019s supposed to endear me to him, but it\u2019s really just irritating at this point. It\u2019s like how someone will take something without permission or shove their shift onto you, and will act all apologetic the whole time, as if that excused the fact that they just royally screwed you over.<\/p>\n

Right, ball\u2019s in my court, then. Ten drakes or I have to face you in combat? Terribly sorry, dear chap, but it seems we\u2019ve reached a bit of an impasse here. If I might be so bold as to offer a counter-proposal, I would heartily recommend you piss up a rope<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Time to make with the hacky-slashy. The fight is pretty one-sided, for all of his cultured trash talk, and he\u2019s on the ground before I know it. Got a decent sword, too\u2014think I might hock that for training montage money.<\/p>\n

Luckily, I don\u2019t\u2019 have to dwell in Pelegiad long. I get in, get out, and try not to make eye contact with anybody. Especially not that old woman I collided with the first time. And the second time.<\/p>\n

Glad to have that spot of bother over with, I leg it back to Vivec. Right, time to check out my next quest.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u2026okay, let me see if I\u2019ve got this right. You send a team of fighters\u2014people who are trained in combat, who you bankroll for the sole purpose of making things dead\u2014to a dangerous Telvanni base. None of these guys report back. Your response, then, is not to send a bigger<\/em> squad in their place, with mages and spikes on, but to deploy\u2026one man. Who you\u2019ve previously used to transport your mail<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I mean\u2026okay. This is how I advance. Doing these quests is what I do to get a higher rank. If I want a promotion, I can\u2019t not <\/em>do these quests. And yet, when you look at Crassius Curio, my bosses\u2019 boss,<\/em> you get the sense he\u2019d lose in a boxing match against a down comforter.<\/p>\n

So, my question is this: does every Hlaalu intern have to be a human killing machine, or is it just me? <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When we last left our hero, he was seriously contemplating defecting to another house. I mean, intelligence-insulting quests? I can handle that. Larceny and murder? Comes with the territory. Harassment? Creepy, but bearable. But...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[153,268],"tags":[300,151],"class_list":["post-1433","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play","category-lets-play-morrowind","tag-lets-play","tag-morrowind"],"yoast_head":"\nIn a Hostile Country: The Saga of Cahmel (Let's Play Morrowind, Part 25) -<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1433\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"In a Hostile Country: The Saga of Cahmel (Let's Play Morrowind, Part 25) -\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When we last left our hero, he was seriously contemplating defecting to another house. 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