{"id":1555,"date":"2010-01-06T23:37:52","date_gmt":"2010-01-07T07:37:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1555"},"modified":"2026-06-15T17:07:23","modified_gmt":"2026-06-16T01:07:23","slug":"clod-of-cthulhu-introduction","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1555","title":{"rendered":"Clod of Cthulhu: Introduction"},"content":{"rendered":"

The second thing that strikes one about Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth<\/em>, a horror videogame released some time ago, is that it\u2019s really quite faithful to the mythos. It didn\u2019t have to be; there was an excellent chance it\u2019d be The Vaguely Horrorish Adventures of Splint Squarejaw, Detective and Cthulhu Wrangler. You\u2019d gun down hordes of shoggoths with one hand and pimp-slap cultists with the other, chugging down health drinks like tonic water. At the end, you\u2019d destroy Cthulhu and save the world forever. I\u2019m impressed that this isn\u2019t the case; it\u2019s been true to the flavor of the Call of Cthulhu setting, and I think the game\u2019s far more evocative for it.<\/p>\n

Mind, the first thing that strikes one about the game is that the game\u2019s protagonist is a slack-jawed, adle-pated stooge with a brain made out of green-bean casserole.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not that I have a problem with DCotE\u2019s storyline, per se. The story itself doesn\u2019t drive me to the excesses of rage Mirror\u2019s Edge <\/em>inspired in me\u2014it\u2019s more or less competent, and has some nice touches to it. The story\u2019s only failing is that it consists almost wholly of you trying to clean up after your character\u2019s asshat mistakes.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not just talking the occasional screwup or plot-mandated gaffe. I\u2019m talking consistent, absurd, frankly pratfalling <\/em>stupidity. This is a man who had to get work as a detective because he was too much of a cartoonish bumbler to join a vaudeville troupe. If you ask him to babysit, you will return to find out he\u2019s has stolen your property, let in a pack of wild dogs, and accidentally dropped the baby into traffic when you live miles away from the nearest road.<\/em> It\u2019s not that he\u2019s unlucky, it\u2019s not that he\u2019s put into bad situations, it\u2019s that he\u2019s dumber than a sack of stunned ducklings. He is oblivious, loud, clueless, and ignorant. In the context of the ultraperilous Call of Cthulhu setting, it almost makes for a very dark comedy, like if you inserted Inspector Clouseau into Se7en<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Why am I writing this series? A few reasons. Firstly, because the world needs to know how stupid the hero is. Secondly, because I wanted to talk about the Cthulhu setting and why it works, and that will come up fairly naturally in discussing this game. These two are my main priorities, and I will probably spend the most time on them.<\/p>\n

Thirdly, I want to talk about the parts I like, since there are areas in this game that are quite well-handled. Fourthly, I want to talk about the parts I hate, because I like complaining like I like love itself.<\/p>\n

Fifthly, I hate myself and I thought starting a brand new series was an excellent idea.<\/p>\n

Before we can begin, let\u2019s make sure we\u2019re all on the same page. A brief summary of the Cthulhu Mythos:<\/p>\n

Chances are, if you\u2019re on the internet, you\u2019ve at least heard <\/em>of the squidheaded bastard Cthulhu and his twisted murdering cultist posse. He\u2019s in webcomics, other webcomics, fansites, parody sites, motivational posters, and miniature games. It\u2019s one of those things where it\u2019s really ubiquitous among nerd circles and almost unheard of outside them. I\u2019d call it a cult classic, but I\u2019ve already hit my death threat quota this week.<\/p>\n

For those of you outside of the Church of Cthulhu, let me share with you the Bad News. Basically, Cthulhu (pronounced a dozen different ways, so just pick one) is this inconceivably ancient elder god, dreaming away these millennia in his long-forgotten home in the ocean\u2019s depths. To look upon him is to have your sanity wilt away in an instant, to have your hope and reason replaced with the knowledge of your utter insignificance. When he awakens\u2014not if, when\u2014he will <\/em>devour the souls of all mankind.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s not the only elder god, either. There are others. Some of them are worse.<\/p>\n

Bottom line: we are nothing. We are doomed. There is nothing we can do to stop our annihilation. We are powerless beyond forces we cannot comprehend\u2014merely attempting to comprehend them would drive us mad.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s pretty cheerful stuff.<\/p>\n

Anyway, the setting is innovative, operates on an intellectual level, and traditionally implies more than its shows. In other words, it\u2019s Hollywood poison<\/em>. Any executive trying to bring it into the mainstream would be shot, and his corpse would be searched for loose change before placed in the background of Splint Squarejaw IV.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m hating on the film industry, but it\u2019s not like first-person video games are bastions of intellectual themes and creative expression. All in all, it\u2019s quite impressive that DCotE has preserved the setting as well as it has.<\/p>\n

As for the game itself, it\u2019s a mix of genres. It\u2019s a little hard to classify, at first\u2014it starts out as a straight adventure game, where you find clues and solve puzzles. You don\u2019t have a weapon, there aren\u2019t really any enemies\u2014basically, it\u2019s a game anybody\u2019s grandma could play. It\u2019s scary and atmospheric, and you get the sense you\u2019re on the edge of something truly horrifying. The first scenes are tense and evocative.<\/p>\n

Then it gets dangerous. You still don\u2019t have a weapon, but you\u2019ve got to evade enemies, sometimes by stealth and sometimes by getting the hell out of dodge in pulse-pounding chase sequences. It gets quite a bit scarier, and some of the most intense moments so far have occurred in this stage.<\/p>\n

Then you get a weapon. Suddenly, stealth seems to take a backseat. Enemies are no longer easy to evade, and you end up fighting just about everyone whether you want to be sneaky or not. Since the game pretty much assumes you\u2019re going to kill everyone, you lose your fear of your opponents\u2014rightfully so, once you get a friggin\u2019 Thompson. Suddenly, the game ain\u2019t so scary anymore.<\/p>\n

What\u2019s consistent is that whatever your character is called upon to do, he will do it with the purposeful intellect of a confused squirrel. Join me as I study the many shoes Jack Walter is called upon to fill, and conclude, inevitably, that he is best suited to a pair of big red floppy ones.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s stupid, is what I\u2019m saying.<\/p>\n

Real stupid.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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