![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/01\/lp31-1vivec.jpg\" "\\"lp31-1vivec\\"")
<\/a><\/p>\nNotice that Molag Mar looks like a single canton from Vivec. That\u2019s basically what it is\u2014a little mini Vivec, with the exact same art assets and layouts. Could be that Vivec\u2019s cantons are actually modular pieces sold by some extremely lazy contractor. Alternately, could be Molag Mar\u2019s a tourist trap of some kind–the equivalent of those shady animated movies that are exactly <\/em>as similar to a Disney cartoon as the law allows, only far, far worse.<\/p>\n In any case, the place is pretty unremarkable, but at least it\u2019s quiet. If I had to pick a word to describe it, it would be safe<\/em>. This whole place just feels so very safe, like nothing bad will ever happen to me here. I feel totally at ease and off of my guard. Take off all of my armor, set my sword way aside\u2014I won\u2019t be needing it in a room as safe as this, after all\u2014and then just slip away into extremely safe dreams.<\/p>\n I wake up. Gasp and shock! It looks like—<\/p>\n –nothing happened.<\/p>\n Huh. I, I was actually\u2026hm.<\/p>\n Let me just go back to bed for a few hours here.<\/p>\n Oh hai thar.<\/p><\/div>\n Oh, here we go.<\/p>\n Gasp and shock! It seems I am under attack by some assassin. I don\u2019t know who he\u2019s working for, but it sure ain\u2019t the fashion police. Looks like somebody mix-and-matched a pair of Sam Fisher goggles with an ill fitting ape costume, perhaps as part of some clever pun that absolutely nobody at the party will get without an unwanted explanation.<\/p>\n Sorry, getting off track here. Right, time to kill this freakjob.<\/p>\n He goes down without too much trouble. Well, seems like a mysterious assassin has just attacked me out of the blue. I wonder if he will have inexplicably been carrying some sort of very pointed assassination order, cryptically indicating who his employer is and giving me a hint as to how to proceed.<\/p>\n Oh, what a surprise, it looks like\u2014<\/p>\n Huh. Actually, he has no such thing on him. Just a dwarven shortsword and some silly-looking armor, which, holy crap, is way <\/em>better than mine. It\u2019s not even close. This armor is literally three times<\/em> better than what I am currently carrying. Well, looks like this is goodbye, bugskin suit and stupid looking helmet (or Asshat, as I like to call it). May you find better use as a set of flatware, or the most bizarre drumset ever, or just a load of creepy overgrown bone items. Anything but a sartorial statement, really.<\/p>\n Take a good last look at this old clown suit, because I'm about to replace it with a brand new clown suit.<\/p><\/div>\n I walk out of the inn, kitted out head-to-toe in my new vaguely furry-looking black pajamas. Of course, it\u2019s still not entirely clear what I\u2019m supposed to be doing from here. A quick look at the journal gives the helpful suggestion, \u201cmaybe you should talk to a guard,\u201d which strikes me as a bit counter-intuitive. I mean, you\u2019re not just some random civilian, who obeys the law, pays his taxes, contributes meaningfully to his community, and doesn\u2019t destroy three beautiful things before breakfast. You\u2019re an adventurer<\/em>. You don\u2019t brush your teeth, you don\u2019t have a garden, and you don\u2019t go tattling to the fuzz every time someone tries to kill you.<\/em> Someone messes with your business, you mess with their business right back.<\/p>\n And besides, there aren\u2019t any guards in Molag Mar. Which, now that I think of it, contributes somewhat to the whole assassin-in-least-subtle-armor-ever-manages-to-come-after-me situation. It doesn\u2019t explain how he got through the front desk, though.<\/p>\n \u201cUh, hi, I\u2019m here to visit Cahmel. Uh-huh. No, I understand. The armor? Oh, this, this isn\u2019t armor, it\u2019s my pajamas. We\u2019re having a pajama party. Why the goggles? Well, you know, I get invited to a lot of pool parties as well as pajama parties, and I thought it\u2019d be efficient if I just had one party suit I could use for all situations. Yeah, I thought so too. Thanks. Third room? Okay, you too!\u201d<\/p>\n I take the boat to Vivec, and after a moment\u2019s thought take the the silt strider there to Balmora. I could talk it over with the Ordinators, but I\u2019d kind of like to discuss my harrowing attempted assassination with someone who won\u2019t snigger at the prospect.<\/p>\n The Hlaalu guards aren\u2019t a lot of help. They manage to tell me the assassin was a member of a group called the Dark Brotherhood, which I\u2019d pretty much sussed out since the guy who tried to kill me was called a Dark Brotherhood Assassin and all of his gear has the Dark Brotherhood label on it. Then they tell me to go talk to a random dude in Ebonheart. Maybe I will, then. Thanks for nothing.<\/p>\n I calculate the best route to Ebonheart, then execute. Ebonheart\u2019s a bleak Imperial town, situated pretty much in the arse end of the island. I grew to hate it, because despite the fact that it\u2019s a port for several questlines it\u2019s a pain in the neck to navigate. No shops, no transportation besides a boat. What it does have is a lot of distance between the docks and anyone who might give you quests or equipment, as well as a lot of loading screens.<\/p>\n Nice statue. Really demonstrates the glory of the Empire to the 4 dockworkers and 10 Imperial employees who walk through here on a regular basis.<\/p><\/div>\n I find the guy and talk to him. He gives me a lot of hot air about the Dark Brotherhood being mysterious, and proceeds to offer me no assistance whatsoever. His attitude is, \u201cYeah, assassins trying to kill you, that sucks. Tell you what, if I was a guard or something whose job it was to protect innocent civilians, I\u2019d totally help you out. As it is, though, maybe you should go try to take on the entire assassin\u2019s organization by yourself in an attempt to figure out why they\u2019re trying to kill you.\u201d He suggests I go to Mournhold, a distant city where they have their headquarters, and poke around. Again, thanks for nothing.<\/p>\n He tells me where to go to teleport out. I set out with a troubled mind, uncertain. Assassins trying to kill me, no help from anyone, a strange city where I\u2019ll have no connections or assistance\u2014how do they expect me to survive? How can I hope to AHAHAHA<\/p>\n AHAHA, oh man, I would hate to be that guy. Nice hat, buddy!<\/p>\n But, yeah, I\u2019m in a real desperate situation.<\/p>\n I walk into the main room, looking around for someone who can teleport me to Mournhold. Alright, the first name makes it sound like they\u2019re a girl, but you can\u2019t really tell with Bretons\u2014all of them have such sissy wait a minute.<\/p>\n
\n
\nWell, time to rest for the night. You know, I could try to find the safest place to rest, but I just feel so darned safe here, there\u2019s not much point, is there? Anywhere I pick will be completely safe. Hey, here\u2019s an inn over here. Pilgrim\u2019s Rest, eh? Sounds so safe<\/em>. Let\u2019s spend the night here.<\/p>\n<\/a><\/a><\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/a><\/p>\n