{"id":1619,"date":"2010-01-28T23:21:35","date_gmt":"2010-01-29T07:21:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1619"},"modified":"2026-06-15T17:07:23","modified_gmt":"2026-06-16T01:07:23","slug":"in-a-hostile-country-the-saga-of-cahmel-lets-play-morrowind-part-33","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1619","title":{"rendered":"In a Hostile Country: The Saga of Cahmel (Let&#8217;s Play Morrowind, Part 33)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>When we last left our hero, he was wandering the streets of Mournhold (Light, Magic, etc) and doing what he does best: solving other people\u2019s problems, doing other people\u2019s jobs, and getting bupley-squack as a result. Seems I got enough of that at home.<\/p>\n<p>Actually, come to think of it, why did I come here, again?<\/p>\n<p>Oh, right, because a Dark Brotherhood assassin tried to kill me. And\u2026failed pretty badly. And in the process, gave me excellent and valuable gear. So, I guess I should do something about that? If I don\u2019t go up against a fortress chock full of highly-trained assassins, I might get attacked by them one at a time in a time and place of my choosing, after a full night\u2019s sleep.<\/p>\n<p>Plus, there\u2019s all kinds of new opportunities here in Mournhold (CoLCoM). I can pay exorbitant sums to babysit an NPC, or pay slightly less to babysit a disease-carrying rodent. And then there\u2019s the\u2026new\u2026fashions? That are uniformly ugly and mustard-colored, and are covered completely by my armor anyway?<\/p>\n<p>New flowers. Except I\u2019m not an alchemist, and I\u2019ve got a reputation to uphold Re: picking flowers anyway. Ever since rumors leaked out about the Crassius situation, I\u2019ve kind of needed to run damage control on that sort of thing.<\/p>\n<p>Oh! That short sword. The one I can\u2019t use, and is too bank-breakingly valuable to sell at a respectful fraction of its price without resorting to massively broken vendors and questionably ethical trading practices.<\/p>\n<p>Actually, come to think of it, why did I come here, again?<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>Hm. You know, I kind of\u2026I feel like I want to take out those assassins after all, if only to shave a few minutes off of my morning routine. You know how it is; you got to shave, take a shower, make some toast, steal everything in whatever room you wake up in\u2026if I have to juggle fighting assassins along with all that, I might have to cut out breakfast.<\/p>\n<p>Yeah. Okay, I\u2019ll take them out. But first, I want to figure out how to use my new short sword.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s probably not a terribly smart move, all considered. I\u2019m good at using a longsword. I\u2019m, like, 60 points lower in Short Blades than Long Blades. I gain levels by using a longsword\u2014it\u2019s one of my tagged skills, so when I bring it up, it brings me closer to leveling. Short swords, not so much. Only thing I\u2019m going to increase by swinging one of those around in a fight is the quantity of my blood on the floor.<\/p>\n<p>But come on\u2014this daedric short sword I picked up during my acting debut is friggin\u2019 <em>amazing<\/em>. It\u2019d be a sin not to use this thing, and when it comes to this very specific and violence-oriented interpretation of sin, Cahmel is an absolute <em>saint<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Right, it\u2019s settled. I\u2019m learning how to use this thing. Just going to nip back to the main area and find myself a Short Blades trainer. Let\u2019s see, where could I get training\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Aha, of course. I head on over to the Thieves\u2019 Guild. Hey, remember me? It\u2019s Cahmel, that guy who showed up, joined, and never actually did any missions. Uh, yeah, about that. I think I\u2019d be a far more effective employee if you sent me to an employee education seminar on the utility and versatility of the backstabbin\u2019 knife. Sign me up for a shanking workshop, my good man!<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s that? You won\u2019t train me because I betrayed the Thieves\u2019 Guild? When did I do that? Oh, yeah, if you\u2019re going to nitpick, I guess there was that one time I used my position to gain the confidence of and then compromise one of your best spies to further my career as a member of Hlaalu, but you\u2019re not going to hold a grudge, are you?<\/p>\n<p>You are?<\/p>\n<p>Screw you guys.<\/p>\n<p>Okay, think, Cahmel. Who else knows how to train in short blades?<\/p>\n<p>Aha, that\u2019s it! I\u2019ll go to House Hlaalu\u2014<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone\" src=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/01\/lp31-9hlaalu2.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"522\" height=\"384\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Bad idea. Bad idea.<\/p>\n<p>Running out of ideas, here. Well\u2026I guess there is that one guild, the Morag Tong. They\u2019re the local equivalent of the Dark Brotherhood, except they\u2019re legal and have marginally better dress sense. Everything they do is strictly by the book\u2014they have honorable writs of execution, executed by trainer executioners exercising the excesses of executives. It\u2019s a rigidly-organized, highly formal society of honorable agents.<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, I show up at their offices. I talk to the first guy I see. I imagine our conversation going something like this:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHi, I\u2019m Cahmel. Do you guys have Short Blade trainers?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYep.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI am awestruck at the worthiness and grandeur of your noble profession. I wish to join you, and be taught in the ways of justice, respect, and murderous knife-stabbing.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cKnife-stabbing?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYeah, with the short blades. Don\u2019t let the fact that it was said in a comically different tone from the other items fool you, I\u2019m totally not just joining your ranks so you\u2019ll train me to\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ll train you now if you want.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u2026what? You mean, you\u2019ll train me in short blades, even though I&#8217;m not one of your order?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou got money?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIs Crassius a bit on the fruity side?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYeah, I got money. But\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m ready when you are.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou\u2019re not even going to check my character?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNope.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;References?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Nope.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBackground?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNope.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat I don\u2019t have a history of striking important and unarmed personages?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNope.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMy indecent exposure charges?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNope.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBasically, all you need to know is my name and whether or not I have money.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDid you say yer name? I was busy thinking \u2018bout cookies.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u2026remind me why you guys have a reputation of responsibility, again?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>One training montage later, I\u2019m somewhat acquainted with the arts of poking things with a slightly shorter metal stick until their insides aren\u2019t. Time to put this knowledge to the test!<\/p>\n<p>I wander out into the wilderness, searching for a place to try out my newfound knowledge. Hey, an ancestral tomb. Let\u2019s go desecrate the sacred resting ground, despoil the remains of the dearly departed, and sell all of the priceless artifacts and beloved valuables inside to a pawnbroker who smells like scrib jerky gone bad.<\/p>\n<p>I walk inside and\u2026<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_1620\" style=\"width: 469px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/01\/lp33-1bone.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-1620\" class=\"size-full wp-image-1620\" title=\"lp33-1bone\" src=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/01\/lp33-1bone.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"459\" height=\"458\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/01\/lp33-1bone.jpg 459w, https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/01\/lp33-1bone-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/01\/lp33-1bone-300x299.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 459px) 100vw, 459px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-1620\" class=\"wp-caption-text\"> I&#39;ve got a bone to pick with you, mister.<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Hey, isn\u2019t that a Bonewalker? AKA, Terrifying Zombie Thing? AKA, Cursey McPoxpants? AKA, <em>Saps Your Goddamned Strength and Leaves You to Rot?<\/em><br \/>\nThis time, it&#8217;s going to be different. And by that, I mean I&#8217;m probably not going to actually cry as he turns me into a withered husk.<\/p>\n<p>Probably.<\/p>\n<p>Like a 40-60 chance.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When we last left our hero, he was wandering the streets of Mournhold (Light, Magic, etc) and doing what he does best: solving other people\u2019s problems, doing other people\u2019s jobs, and getting bupley-squack as&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[153,268],"tags":[300,151],"class_list":["post-1619","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play","category-lets-play-morrowind","tag-lets-play","tag-morrowind"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>In a 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