{"id":1710,"date":"2010-02-16T23:39:32","date_gmt":"2010-02-17T07:39:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1710"},"modified":"2026-06-15T17:07:23","modified_gmt":"2026-06-16T01:07:23","slug":"clod-of-cthulhu-sewer-shark-this-aint","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1710","title":{"rendered":"Clod of Cthulhu: Sewer Shark This Ain’t"},"content":{"rendered":"

Still a wee bit on the loopy side, but I\u2019ll push through it\u2014I\u2019m a man on a mission. I\u2019ve got a character to mock, and if I have to deprive myself of sleep to do it, I can rest easy knowing it\u2019s for the greater good of mankind<\/em>. Or, actually, I guess just sit here and type easy, because I\u2019m not really resting at all. And the whole good of mankind thing<\/em> might actually be –yeah, actually, let\u2019s just dive into the review.<\/p>\n

Anyway, for a lethargic dunce who\u2019ll risk evisceration if it means he can get his beauty sleep, Jack\u2019s a squirrely little bugger in a tight corner. He manages to give the Innsmothketeers the slip time and again, utilizing his previously-unrepresented stealth expertise to do what he should have done from the start: run away from the Gorton\u2019s Fish-men, and not look back.<\/p>\n

Anyway, at some point, he bumps into a somewhat-sympathetic townie who tells him that the order will track him down wherever he goes\u2014anywhere, that is, but the sewer. \u201cDown sewers is the only place that them folks balk at venturing… and for good cause at that, mind you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Wow, what an ominous, clearly-foreboding statement that states unambiguously that the sewers are not just unpleasant, they\u2019re dangerous. Allow me to patronize you by saying, \u201cI can cope with foul air; it\u2019ll be a welcome change from the smell of dead fish.\u201d
\n
\nThe guy patiently explains that there are demons the likes of which I\u2019ve never seen before lurking in the sewers. Jack completely brushes him off\u2014blah blah shoggoth blah, you\u2019re not scaring me, I\u2019m sure it\u2019s just one of your crazy folk superstitions. There\u2019s no such thing as monsters\u2014the massive nightmare creature that I unleashed six years ago, have only recently begun remembering, and have had dreams about for the past few nights, was probably just\u2026like, I don\u2019t know, mass hysteria or something. Mini hysteria? Whatever. And that fish-creature that I got a clear look at before it escaped and tore apart a young girl\u2014everyone knows that raccoons are frequently mistaken for violent abominations by amateur cryptozoologists. Go talk about your eldritch evils somewhere else, I\u2019ve got a cult to run away from.<\/p>\n

Jack decides he ultimately wants to go into the sewer. He does this by removing the block from a truck parked on a hill, getting in the back, and letting it roll free down the street before plunging past two guards into a deep, inexplicably open sewer pit. As it begins rattling unchecked down the cobbles, leaving him to roll around with no handholds or seatbelts in the back, he comments, \u201cI\u2019m not so sure this was one of my better ideas.\u201d<\/p>\n

Well, let\u2019s look back. Came here, nearly got arrested, got a girl killed, the whole\u2026inn\u2026thing…. actually, Jack, when you look at the numbers, it actually might have been one of your better ideas. You really have reached a point where rolling down a hill while standing in the back of a truck, letting it plunge down a deep pit into raw sewage<\/em> while crazy cultist hicks shoot at you<\/em>, is one of the top five best ideas you\u2019ve had all night. Congratulations.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re an idiot<\/em>.<\/p>\n

So, not much to summarize about the sewers. You get creepy visions, you see the girl you killed earlier, you bump into some shoggoth slime\u2014oh, and those loveable townies drop down the body of the drunk guy you met earlier. Hey, who would have thought that aiding and abetting an outsider would lead to an untimely death?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Innocent People Jack\u2019s Gotten Killed: Three.
\n<\/strong>
\nActually, wait a minute, about that drunk guy. This game takes place in the US during the 20s. There was this thing called prohibition <\/em>during that time. We clearly see Mr. Drunky staggering out of a bar earlier, and Innsmouth doesn\u2019t strike me as a speakeasy kind of town\u2026where was he getting his booze? What\u2019s going on, writers?<\/p>\n

Jack escapes the sewers, pokes around, and finds the house of the mysterious woman (Rebecca). Her father was a man of God\u2014not a very popular thing around these parts\u2014and she\u2019s sympathetic to Jack\u2019s plight, and agrees to finally cut the crytocrap and tell him what\u2019s happening.<\/p>\n

The following is a direct excerpt from the game.<\/p>\n

Jack: Save it, sweetheart. You found anything more on Brian?<\/p>\n

Rebecca: He never made it out of town. The Order has him holed up in the old
\njailhouse… until he’s needed.<\/p>\n

Jack: Needed? Needed for what?<\/p>\n

Rebecca: Sacrifice, Jack… to Dagon. They’ll take him out to Devil’s Reef, and
\nhe’ll never be seen again.<\/p>\n

Jack: Dagon? Sacrifice? This is crazy talk. Innsmouth’s old fishing tales have
\nmuddled your mind. <\/em><\/p>\n

Emphasis mine.<\/p>\n

Jack, you are just about the stupidest meathead sonofabitch I have ever seen in my entire goddamned life<\/em>. Are you just completely <\/em>out of your skull? \u201cGuh, sacrifice him in the name of Dagon? Don\u2019t be silly! You\u2019d have to be a total nutbar obsessed cultist to do something like that! Not unlike, and this is sort of a random example, the horde of total nutbar obsessed cultists who have been chasing me all night, and have been murdering people for religious reasons for like fifty god damned years<\/em>!\u201d Jack, just what the hell are you high on? Because if it\u2019s life<\/em>, I think you\u2019re going to smoke yourself out of it real soon<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Finally, he allows himself to be persuaded that this evil murderous religious order who\u2019s framed Brian, captured him, and kept him locked up, is not<\/em> merely planning to throw him a surprise birthday party. Rebecca explains that he\u2019s locked up in a jail, and the quickest route for Jack to take is a tunnel hidden under Rebecca\u2019s father\u2019s old church. They don\u2019t like going in there, so once they arrive they should be safe.<\/p>\n

For some reason, Rebecca feels the need to go with Jack. She\u2019s shot and killed. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Innocent People Jack\u2019s Gotten Killed: Four.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Jack gets inside, completes an easy puzzle to get into the tunnel, completes an annoying puzzle to proceed further, and ends up making his way towards the jail. He bumps into the FBI guy, Mackey\u2014Mackey gives him some cryptic nonsense, some exposition about a guy named Robert Marsh who runs a refinery nearby and is in charge of the Order, and gives Jack directions on where to find the jailhouse. Thanks, pal. Hey, I know you\u2019ve got a gun\u2014how about lending it to me? No? Okay. Fine. Sure, fine.<\/p>\n

Jerk.<\/p>\n

(Almost done with Innsmouth\u2014the idiot finale of this chapter, I\u2019ll save for next time.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Still a wee bit on the loopy side, but I\u2019ll push through it\u2014I\u2019m a man on a mission. I\u2019ve got a character to mock, and if I have to deprive myself of sleep to...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[153],"tags":[220,300],"class_list":["post-1710","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play","tag-clod-of-cthulhu","tag-lets-play"],"yoast_head":"\nClod of Cthulhu: Sewer Shark This Ain't -<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1710\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Clod of Cthulhu: Sewer Shark This Ain't -\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Still a wee bit on the loopy side, but I\u2019ll push through it\u2014I\u2019m a man on a mission. 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