When we last left our ruggedly independent hero, he was outsourcing his fighting to a hobo in chainmail and his loot-carrying to a rat. If I can find a cheeky monkey to handle my bribery and petty theft, I can run this whole adventuring gambit from a strictly managerial position. Maybe legitimize it by calling it a guild\u2014I don\u2019t have a name yet, but I\u2019m thinking either House Cahmel or the Awesomekicker\u2019s Guild would best suit it.<\/p>\n
At the very least, I need a name for our little band as it currently stands. I was thinking about Team Fantastic Victory, but somehow, that name doesn\u2019t have quite the atmosphere of success I was going for. Whatever, I\u2019ll come to it later.<\/p>\n
Alright. Here we stand\u2014I, Lord Cahmel, our reasonably fearless leader! A master of the long blade, and adequately trained with the weapon he will actually be using, Cahmel is a name feared by all evil men who prize the integrity of their faces. I let no sin go unpunished, unless it doesn\u2019t directly affect me\u2014in which case, I will mosey down like a slightly miffed angel, dealing out lukewarm justice if somebody\u2019s paying me to do so. I am truly a force to be reckoned with!<\/p>\n
At my right\u2026what\u2019s your name again? You know, I don\u2019t actually care. At my right stands the mercenary! When I found him, he was standing in a gutter, his biceps naked and wild. I took him in, fed him, and used my folksy adventurer wisdom to tame his feral arms. Shirted, he is a mighty force for good–a singleminded juggernaut of pay-subsidized pain-dealing.<\/p>\n
And at my left, my faithful companion, good Ratsy of Rattington. He may be small, he may be weak, and he may not have much to contribute to my fight against evil. This isn\u2019t going anywhere, he actually is pretty much useless. But no matter! I\u2019ll take him along anyway.<\/p>\n
Together, we are\u2026 I don\u2019t attract any attention. This is mildly remarkable, since I am an outlander, I am armed, I got into a drag-\u2018em-out fistfight the last time I came in here, and I am currently dressed in the armor\/uniform of the evil unstoppable assassin cabal that has its headquarters directly under this very city. You\u2019d think somebody would comment on that. I guess I\u2019m just\u2026real\u2026stealthy? Like, I just project an ambient stealth field so potent my fellow barflies don\u2019t register me. That would explain why people I know never stop and say hello to me on the street. I test the theory by passing on some of the potion-induced gas\u2014nobody comments on it. In fact, people seem to be ignoring me even more now, somehow. Yeah, I guess the stealth field theory\u2019s the way to go.<\/p>\n Mercenary stands awkwardly next to me. A tragic, hereditary spinal disease means he\u2019s unable to actually sit down anywhere. It\u2019s pretty common out here in Morrowind. Out of consideration for his feelings, I remain standing as well.<\/p>\n \u201cSo,\u201d I say, assuming my smoothest fearless-leader tone. \u201cGentleman. Shall we discuss our next move?\u201d<\/p>\n Merc glances uneasily at Ratsy, then back at me. \u201cUh. I thought you said we were just going to go kill things in the sewers?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, yes, that\u2019s the soul of it, but there are many considerations at hand. Tactics<\/em>, my good fellows, we must discuss tactics<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTactics\u2026fellows\u2026look, are you including the rat in these discussions? Because I don\u2019t know if I can handle that, I actually don\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n Ratsy squeaked in indignation. I scoffed, something I\u2019d been waiting the whole morning for an opportunity to do.<\/p>\n \u201cReally, now, don\u2019t be prejudiced. Ratsy has many exceptional qualities. For example, he did not get stuck on the doorframe entering this bar. I consider this to be an admirable accomplishment.\u201d<\/p>\n He opened his mouth, then shut it, then opened it, then shut it again. Then he opened it, then he shut it–it was at this point I realized that he was chewing some scrib jerky, and I stopped keeping track.<\/p>\n \u201cAnyway,\u201d I said, \u201clet\u2019s discuss tactics, briefly. Let\u2019s say I\u2019m\u2026a bandit. I\u2019ve got a sword, and I\u2019m charging at you. What do you do?\u201d<\/p>\n He gave it a little thoughtful consideration. Then he replied, \u201cI\u2019d run up and start hitting him with my sword.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh\u2026kay. Yeah, that\u2019s fair. Now, let\u2019s say you\u2019re in a tomb. There\u2019s a spellcaster preparing a fireball, and he\u2019s taken cover behind a pillar. What do you do?\u201d<\/p>\n His lips started moving as he ran through an internal tactical analysis. \u201cWell. I suppose\u2026in that situation, I\u2019d run up and start hitting him with my sword.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah. That works, actually.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cReally, it\u2019s a classic.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow, here\u2019s a trickier one. Let\u2019s say we\u2019ve got confined, sewer-like spaces. You hadn\u2019t been told this beforehand, but it\u2019s actually a stronghold of the Dark Brotherhood. Within are far, far too many assassins for one man to handle, so you\u2014in this hypothetical scenario\u2014have been duped into fighting them with him. You\u2019re carrying lots of valuable gear, as well as some of this man\u2019s money. Anyway, he leads up to an area with five or six assassins. All of them are armed with magical shortswords. What do you do?\u201d<\/p>\n He was silent for a minute. Actually a full minute–I counted under my breath. It occurred to me, as he sat there chewing the gristle of this intellectual feast, that he wasn’t actually stupid. Not the kind of gobsmacking door-smacking slapstick stupid I’d expected, anyway. He may be single-minded, but it’d be a mistake to call him an idiot.<\/p>\n Finally, he said, \u201cWell, that\u2019s a hard one. My usual approach doesn\u2019t really work here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDoesn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, it doesn\u2019t. I mean\u2026there\u2019s three of them.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRight.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo\u2026\u201d His brow knitted in concentration. \u201cI guess\u2026\u201d The clouds of uncertainty drifted away, and he snapped his fingers. \u201cI\u2019d run up to the closest one and start hitting him with my sword, then work through them by order of proximity.” He looked a bit proud of this. “See, the process <\/em>is solid, you just have to be ready to improvise a little in the field.\u201d<\/p>\n I could already tell this mission was going to be a rousing success.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" When we last left our ruggedly independent hero, he was outsourcing his fighting to a hobo in chainmail and his loot-carrying to a rat. If I can find a cheeky monkey to handle my...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[153,268],"tags":[300,151],"class_list":["post-1724","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play","category-lets-play-morrowind","tag-lets-play","tag-morrowind"],"yoast_head":"\n
\n
\nThe Knights of Cahmelot!<\/strong>
\n
\nThe place: a shadowy tavern in the Plaza Brindisy Dorum. I lean against the bar, sipping dark liquid from a shot glass. The glass is my own, the liquid is a Bargain Restore Flatulence potion I found in a bandit\u2019s rubbish bin\u2014alcohol makes me queasy, and after getting a good look at the kind of animals they\u2019ve got out here, I\u2019m really hesitant about ordering a glass of milk<\/em>.<\/p>\n