When we last left our hero, he was preparing a daring assault on the heart of Dark Brotherhood territory. It was exactly like an episode of the A-Team, except we\u2019ve only got three people, we weren\u2019t framed for anything, we don\u2019t have any clever schemes, we have nothing resembling a cool ride, and we\u2019re marginally more skilled with 21st-century firearms. Also, I haven\u2019t seen much of the show, but it doesn\u2019t look like many episodes end in abject failure and pants-soiling humiliation. That\u2019s an important distinction to establish, for reasons that I trust will eventually become clear.<\/p>\n
Like I said earlier: the word on the street is that the Dark Brotherhood has their base of operations under the Bazaar, in the sewers. Wade around in excrement alongside a rat and a moron, all for the chance to battle with an infamous band of killers that\u2019s dying to put my head on their trophy rack? You had me at \u201cexcrement.\u201d<\/p>\n
This probably isn’t a very inspiring thing to say as expedition leader, but I’m struck by how stupid <\/em>this little raid is. Your choices are thus: deal with one assassin hunting you down and attacking you every so often (or so you assume; I\u2019ve only ever had the one), or travel hundreds of miles so you can engage dozens of them at once, on their own terms and within their own territory. That\u2019s like breaking into a police station and tampering with their records to avoid paying a Jaywalking ticket.<\/p>\n Sorry, tangent, let\u2019s just get this mission over with. First things first: I\u2019ve got to repair what I\u2019ve got. Going into sustained battle with low-quality goods is a good way to get killed; your weapons won\u2019t do as much damage and your armor won\u2019t protect you as much. Basically, regular maintenance is the hallmark of\u2026<\/p>\n How much for repairs? Eesh, that much? What are you patching it up with, experimental diamondwool? Scales from Carl Sagan\u2019s invisible dragon? Barenziah\u2019s panties? Screw you guys, I\u2019ll manage. Look, it\u2019s not even that bad. It\u2019s just a little frayed in\u2014okay, okay, so I can stick my finger through this hole. So what? Most weapons are way bigger than that. Unless we\u2019re dealing with foes that have slender puncturing weapons, I should be totally fine.<\/p>\n My partner? Naw, he\u2019s cool. You\u2019re cool, right, lackey? I\u2019m not paying for your repairs. Say you\u2019re cool.<\/p>\n He\u2019s cool.<\/p>\n What? The rat\u2019s a rat<\/em>. He doesn\u2019t even wear clothes<\/em>, man.<\/p>\n We\u2019re moving on.<\/p>\n Especially in a group without a caster, such as the Knights of Cahmelot, potions are a necessity. They cover a variety of bases, enabling almost anyone to do almost anything for a short period of time. Potions can heal, restore stats, provide invisibility, provide flight\u2014think of potions as an emergency response kit. A well-stocked potions cabinet can save your life if things hit the fan.<\/p>\n So, first order of business is to buy health potions. How many have you got, Mr. Local Potions Man? Oh. Oh, really? Just a couple? Okay, better than nothing. How about\u2026Restore Strength? No? Fortify Strength? No? Feather? Magic Resistance? Poison Resistance? You don\u2019t have any <\/em>of those?<\/p>\n Okay, what the hell, guy. Your job has exactly one application<\/em>: keep that guy who keeps running around solving everyone\u2019s problems stocked with the liquid mojo he needs. Who else would shop here? Commoners need a potion shop like I need a boutique for dung-smeared clothing and rusted farm equipment. I can see Joe the Dunmer needing the occasional Cure Disease potion, and maybe a Health or two if some scrib-jerky related accident befalls him, but he\u2019s otherwise got no business here whatsoever. I literally constitute at least 85% of your target demographic, man. Do some pandering already.<\/p>\n Okay, so that\u2019s a bust on the repairs and the potions. Let\u2019s move on to the minor items on my checklist.<\/p>\n 1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ammunition for ranged weapons. Don\u2019t have ranged weapons. Well, that\u2019s that list taken care of. Only thing left to do is sell all of my excess gear so I\u2019m not carrying around too much dead weight. Eh\u2014screw it. I don\u2019t feel like it, and I\u2019ve got two-able bodied pack mules to schlep things for me. As long as nothing happens to them, I\u2019ll be able to carry all this stuff and anything I find down in the sewers.<\/p>\n Enough stalling, then. Let\u2019s get this wildly successful operation on the road! Well, under the road, anyway. Knights of Cahmelot, we ride for the septic system!<\/p>\n Thankfully, the sewers don\u2019t appear to have any waste in them. Or, indeed, any channels for waste to travel through. Or water, outside of flooded natural tunnels and the occasional stagnant pool. Really, you have to wonder what the point is, other than to serve as a sort of wildlife reservation for lowlife murderers and inconvenient undead.<\/p>\n There\u2019s initially no sign of the DB\u2014apparently, their hideout is kind of deeper within the sewers. The place would feel quite lonely, if it weren\u2019t for all of the bloody irritating skeletons and ghosts loitering around like delinquents on a Friday afternoon.<\/p>\n I\u2019m actually fairly impressed at how well the Knights work together in a fight. Before long, I\u2019d found a foolproof tactic: I\u2019d attract one of the lone enemies, hide behind something, then try to hold the attention of the creature while my partners gamely chipped away at their health. A little rough, and about as fancy as deep-fried SPAM, but it worked like a charm. It\u2019s really quite effective–as long as we\u2019re only fighting two enemies at once at any given time, I think this tactic will serve us well.<\/p>\n We penetrate deeper into the sewers, searching for some sign of the Dark Brotherhood\u2014also, an actual sewer system. Our first search bears fruit when we come across a doorway professing to lead to Old Mournhold. It seems that the sewers have a direct, established connection to an entirely pristine district of Ancient Mournhold. Basically, just imagine if Americans could access an untouched deserted colonial town via a side door in a subway tunnel. The academic knowledge and cultural understanding that could be gleaned from such a place is staggering. Understandably, the government of Morrowind has decided to lovingly preserve this national treasure by surrendering it to a cabal of killers. Why study and commemorate ancient structures when you can let violent criminals use them as clubhouses? Criminals that are, ostensibly, weaker than one adventurer with nothing better to do that weekend? Criminals whose favorite hobbies include murdering politicians, like the ones who\u2019d be making this call<\/em>? This is the face of responsible civic engineering.<\/p>\n Okay, whatever, not our problem. Actually, it totally is our problem, since the negligence of the government almost got me assassinated, but let\u2019s move on anyway. As soon as we go through this door, we\u2019re in Dark Brotherhood territory, and there\u2019d danger around every historically significant corner. There are a couple of rules of engagement to keep in mind:<\/p>\n 1.)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Eyes open at all times. Got it? Good.<\/p>\n Let’s roll.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" When we last left our hero, he was preparing a daring assault on the heart of Dark Brotherhood territory. It was exactly like an episode of the A-Team, except we\u2019ve only got three people,...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[153,268],"tags":[300,151],"class_list":["post-1748","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play","category-lets-play-morrowind","tag-lets-play","tag-morrowind"],"yoast_head":"\n
\n
\nAny adventurer worth his oversized pauldrons will tell you that the most important part of any extended mission is the planning phase. Skilled preparation can make or break even the most routine of runs, and going into a hostile situation without the proper resources can be a death sentence. If I cared about any of our survival, I\u2019d have to manage our gear very carefully.<\/p>\n
\n2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Offensive scrolls for when things get dicey. Too expensive. Besides, I\u2019ve already got like three of them. How chaotic could things get?
\n3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Soul gems so I can recharge my enchanted items. Don\u2019t really have any enchanted items.
\n4.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Set up a Mark so I can escape if things get hairy. Nah, don\u2019t have a Recall spell. As long as I don\u2019t get stranded in the middle of nowhere with dozens of enemies between me and the way I came in, this shouldn\u2019t be a problem. Which, let\u2019s face it, that\u2019s pretty damn improbable. I should be fine.<\/p>\n
\n2.)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Swords ready at all times.
\n3.)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You guys get to go first.
\n4.)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I am in charge of distributing health potions. If you\u2019re injured in a fight and you need one, please fill out the following form describing your injury and why you need to treat it, and I\u2019ll get you one within 4-7 business days.
\n5.)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We divide loot as follows: it is all mine.<\/em>
\n6.)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We divide credit as follows: it is all mine.<\/em>
\n7.)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We divide targets as follows: they all are yours. <\/em><\/p>\n