When we last left our addle-pated nilnoggin, he was attempting to mount a single-handed unarmed raid on a building full of armed officers who are willing to shoot him on sight. This is something that you do instead of escaping the mobs of people trying to murder you, as part of an attempt to save a man who yells at you for trying to save him.<\/p>\n
The horror of the Cthulhu mythos rests on there being things that man cannot comprehend. If you find this sort of thing scary, then I have to give the game credit;: it will make you crap your pants, because if you can figure out what the flaming hell is going through this bastard\u2019s brain you\u2019ve probably got a government job profiling psychopaths. Jack Walters is a marathon moron, a never-ceasing one-man show of really questionable life decisions that threaten constantly to dovetail into death decisions.<\/p>\n
Right, where were we? Of course; I\u2019d just clonked the Sherrif of Fishtown with a rusty crowbar. On the surface, this act was merely to gain entrance; in my heart of hearts, I knew it was to acquire the man\u2019s shotgun. I lusted after it, I coveted it, I craved it like a parched man craves cool water. Alas, when my dirty work was done, it vanished into the ether\u2014too beautiful for this world.<\/p>\n
Fudge.
\n
\nWell, the door\u2019s open, at any rate, so I might as well nip inside. Obviously, there\u2019s not gonna be any shotguns or something for me to loot in there. Oh, no, that would be too easy. After all, if they\u2019re not going to–<\/p>\n
Huh, I\u2019ll be damned. There\u2019s one right in there. And a pistol. And ammo.<\/p>\n
\u2026that was\u2026easy?<\/p>\n
Alright, so they\u2019re not right <\/em>inside. They\u2019re guarded by some guy at a desk, who you should preferably remove from said desk before you go running all up in his personal space. According to the walkthrough, you get this guy to leave and find a washbasin by doing some strange and illogical sequence of actions, but I just sort of wandered around the place touching things and that did the trick as well. Frankly, that\u2019s a more efficient strategy in the long run. It turns out that the police chief guy is turning into a fishman, so he needs to keep well hydrated. I do something\u2014I\u2019m not actually entirely clear what–that makes him go to a sink, then I run up and pester him with my crowbar until he falls over. Then I go downstairs, loot the gun cabinet, and squeal with mildly disturbing glee. Shotgun and a pistol\u2014man, I\u2019m set<\/em>. I have full ammunition, because despite giving me absolutely no opportunity to arm myself, the game has provided me with ammunition to pick up at an almost alarming rate. I\u2019ve seen nothing but the business ends of firearms, but I could make a trendy hat out of all of the pistol clips I\u2019ve got stuffed in my clothing and a mini log cabin out of my shotgun ammo. I have this mental image of his prissy waistcoat being crammed absolutely to bursting with loose rounds\u2014I guess he just has to hope he never falls into a fire, or something.<\/p>\n Locked and loaded, I go over to persuade Burnham to pretty please<\/em> let me spring him from jail and fight to liberate him from the city. He still refuses, saying that he doesn\u2019t trust me, and that he doesn\u2019t want to make things worse for himself by trying to escape. Kid, were you or were you not obviously framed? Have you not, according to the conversation of the jailors, been severely and unconstitutionally beaten? Are they not intensely hostile to foreigners such as yourself? The jailor\u2014is he not a freakish manfish who smells like a burning fishing barge? What about these factors gives you a good feeling about your future? What about living amongst these terrifying mutant xenophobic zealots has convinced you that they\u2019re really a bunch of softies who can be swayed with a calm tone and an understanding attitude? They\u2019re going to kill you, dude. Even Jack Walters can figure that out.<\/p>\n Finally, I decide to show him the photo of his girlfriend, which convinces him I\u2019m on the level. Somewhat grudgingly, he allows me to unlock his cell and bust him loose.<\/p>\n I decide to check the other cells. One of them is empty except for a plot item (a book with some background on Innsmouth and some numbers that will be important later), one of them has the crazy loon I riled up earlier, and one of them has\u2026<\/p>\n \u2026the dead body of that one girl\u2019s father. The guy who was sent up the river for murder after his wife, thanks to my meddling, got loose and killed his daughter. He killed himself in his cell.<\/p>\n Guess what time it is, folks? That\u2019s two from the same family. Hey, Jack, I think that\u2019s a combo bonus. What do you guys think? Ten points?<\/p>\n So, now I\u2019ve got a follower. This means that stealth is impossible, but that\u2019s okay, because stealth is for sissy losers who don\u2019t have improbably low-powered firearms that are nonetheless better than nothing. Actually, seriously, stopping power is kind of an issue\u2014anything but a point-blank headshot with a shotgun makes them whine a little and convulse before they shoot back at you. Still, I\u2019m enamored enough with the idea of finally getting back at these bastards that I actually run outside and start blasting fishmen left and right. I end up dying, unsurprisingly, and end up having to restart back before I even got the crowbar\u2014I guess it\u2019s worth it. I still say this game needs a quicksave function, though.<\/p>\n Sorry, rambling.<\/p>\n I get back to the point where you free Burnham. Burnham has a cunning plan: there\u2019s a garage nearby, in which there is a truck, in which we can drive, in which we can escape. That\u2019s better than my plan, which is to say, it\u2019s a plan. As a bonus, elements of it sound like there\u2019s a universe out there somewhere in which they might succeed. Lead on, Burnie!<\/p>\n Or\u2026don\u2019t lead on. Just give me a kind of vague description of where it is. That works too.<\/p>\n I take a moment to get my bearings and make sure my weapons are loaded. He waits for about half a second, then says in a voice exactly <\/em>annoying as it is possible for a layman voice actor to achieve: \u201cCome on, Jack, we have to get out of here! It\u2019s not safe!\u201d<\/p>\n Excuse me, Mr. Leave Me Alone I\u2019m Totally Fine Here<\/em> Honest<\/em>. As of fifteen minutes ago, your genius plan was to wait for them to realize it was all an honest misunderstanding and treat you to ice cream, so you\u2019ll forgive me if I take any tactical analysis from you with a grain of salt.<\/p>\n I head outside and start searching for the garage. Two or three plugged fish later, I manage to find the place. There are two doors to the garage\u2014the front doors, which you would drive through, are locked and barred. The side door, however, is merely locked.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t have the key, and my crowbar doesn\u2019t do anything to the door. So, we can\u2019t get inside, and I fought my way here for nothing. I turn to Burnham expectantly, waiting to see what he makes of the situation.<\/p>\n After a moment of silent contemplation, he suggests: \u201cThe streets have no cover, Jack, we\u2019ll get caught!\u201d<\/p>\n Are you serious?<\/p>\n So, I can\u2019t get inside the garage, and now Burnham is yelling at me for trying to act on his bogus escape plan. And apparently, I\u2019m too exposed standing out here, so I need to get inside to figure out what to do next. I step into the police station, and he immediately says: \u201cCome on, Jack, we have to get out of here! It\u2019s not safe!\u201d<\/p>\n At this point, I attempt to shoot him, to no effect.<\/p>\n I hate everyone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" When we last left our addle-pated nilnoggin, he was attempting to mount a single-handed unarmed raid on a building full of armed officers who are willing to shoot him on sight. This is something...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[153],"tags":[220,300],"class_list":["post-1757","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play","tag-clod-of-cthulhu","tag-lets-play"],"yoast_head":"\n
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\nInnocent People Jack\u2019s Gotten Killed: Five. <\/strong><\/p>\n