{"id":1830,"date":"2010-03-26T00:30:40","date_gmt":"2010-03-26T08:30:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1830"},"modified":"2026-06-15T17:07:23","modified_gmt":"2026-06-16T01:07:23","slug":"clod-of-cthulhu-crash-of-the-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1830","title":{"rendered":"Clod of Cthulhu: Crash of the Day"},"content":{"rendered":"

Okay, I\u2019m going to go through these bits quickly, because if this series is ever going to end I\u2019m gonna have to get out of Innsmouth. To be honest, while Jack doesn\u2019t get any smarter <\/em>as the game progresses, his stoogesque gaffes do grow somewhat less dense. I\u2019ll be able to skim the rest of the game within a few more posts, hopefully.<\/p>\n

Where were we? Oh yes, the intensely annoying running gunbattle sequence, where Burnham wheels through town like a maniac and I have to trade shots with every cultist in the western hemisphere. It\u2019s particularly frustrating because when you get shot\u2014and you will <\/em>\u00acget shot, since you\u2019d not have much in the way of cover\u2014it\u2019s hard to find a time to heal thyself. If you\u2019re injured while healing, the process is terminated immediately; since you\u2019re always moving on to a new set of opponents, it\u2019s real tricky to find a five-second interval where you can plaster over your current set of flesh wounds without sustaining a fresh batch.<\/p>\n

What really grates my cheese is how the fighting is staged. The order of events tends to go like this: Burnham drives a ways, some gunmen appear in my vision (standing by the road or, as frequently, in it), they start successfully shooting at me. If you think this makes total sense, consider the following:<\/p>\n

a.)\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Burnham saw these guys standing around and didn\u2019t think to run them over or warn me.
\nb.)\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0For their part, the gunmen are entirely uninterested in shooting anything until I come into view. That\u2019s right, no point in wasting ammunition on the driver, the engine block, or the tires. Now, the jackass sitting in the back, hiding and trying to gauze up his bullet wounds\u2014that<\/em>\u2019s a worthy target.
\nc.)\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0If they are <\/em>shooting at Burnham, either they can\u2019t penetrate the cab or they can\u2019t get a clear shot off at him, because he ain’t even scratched. This would imply that the cab is totally safe from gunfire. Remind me why I couldn’t ride shotgun, using small words that I can comprehend in my 3.5-esque barbarian rage.
\n
\nOur first stop\u2014and only stop, presumably, between the town and the nearest Motel Six without a pool–is to go pick up Burnham\u2019s girlfriend at the refinery. The refinery appears to be swarmed with hostiles, so getting her out won\u2019t be easy. Since it\u2019s his lover who is in peril, Burnham bravely volunteers to stay with the truck while I fight my way through hordes of fishmen trying to go get her. Okay, whatever, but FYI? This time, she gets to ride in the back. She\u2019ll be okay, I\u2019ll give her my crowbar.<\/p>\n

I start fighting my way through more dudes, including a few blatant fish-human hybrids. Perhaps sensing that this schtick isn\u2019t impressing me much anymore, the game is trying to up the ante on horrible abominations of god and man; perhaps sensing that these guys aren\u2019t too impressive either, they give them submachine guns that I\u2019m not allowed to pick up. There are a few rather large and hard-to-avoid battles\u2014stealth becomes less and less viable an option as avenues of travel become more and more restricted. Then, halfway through this level, two significant events occur simultaneously:<\/p>\n

1.)\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0I fine a submachine of my own in a disused storeroom, and
\n2.)\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0The game stops being remotely scary.<\/p>\n

Protip, game developers: it\u2019s hard to be terrified of my opponents if running at them guns blazing is a perfectly viable strategy. There\u2019s one part in this level where control is wrested from me for a brief cutscene in which I walk behind a crate and see a half-dozen guys entering on the other side of the room. By giving me a room full of crates and making sure I\u2019m aware of enemy locations, the game seems to be suggesting that I sneak past them. I reject this proposal, and elect instead to charge head-on while belching lead and screaming bloody murder. All of them die, I take a negligible and easily-negated level of damage, and I save five minutes of my life. Real scary, guys.<\/p>\n

Let me make it clear that I am not playing on the Giant Wussy difficulty, the one that can be defeated by a sufficiently trained Doberman or a blind grandmother. I am playing on the hardest one that is initially available, before the obligatory Super Double Plus Nightmare South-of-the-Border Impossible difficulty is unlocked. Combat really just is that effective in this game, and the horror suffers for it. Sneaking around was way tenser than this was, but there\u2019s no way I\u2019m going to do it if I\u2019ve got a gun like this. Giving players a massive arsenal in a horror or stealth game can be a detrimental move: If going postal is quicker, easier, and safer than sneaking around and hoping not to get caught, then expect the player to do so. If you want Sam Fisher, don\u2019t make it easier to go Serious Sam.<\/p>\n

Sam\u2026Fisher\u2026dammit<\/em>! I totally could have made a Sam Fisher pun during those warehouse stealth segments. That would have been perfect. I am seriously ticked off that I missed that, I\u2019m not even kidding. That\u2019s going on my list of deathbed regrets.<\/p>\n

Oh, yeah, back to the game. I manage to find his girlfriend\u2014she\u2019s hidden herself up on a ledge inside a warehouse, and the ledge looks like it\u2019s about to collapse! She has no way of getting down! Oh no! She\u2019s in great danger! She could fall at any second! I don\u2019t care!<\/p>\n

I glance around for a way to get her down, but none present themselves. I go outside to look around some more\u2014it looks like Burnham\u2019s already gotten here. Wait, why couldn\u2019t I just ride with him instead of fighting my way here on foot? Was there a reason? I don\u2019t care. I apprise him of the situation, and recommend that we leave her.<\/p>\n

He refuses. He won\u2019t accept that there\u2019s no way to get her down\u2014there has to be a way! Dammit, this is the love of his life we\u2019re talking about. If there\u2019s any chance we can save her, no matter how small, we have to take it. She is the only thing in his life that matters, and he would do anything for her.<\/p>\n

Except, you know, get out of the truck and give me a hand.<\/p>\n

Gamely, I get back to work, jumping around on crates in an attempt to find my way up to her. I find a few promising-looking paths, but nothing bears fruit, and thanks to the increasingly-dodgy-seeming injury system, I break my right leg three times in the space of about two minutes. I\u2019m sure there has to be some way of getting her down, but nothing presents itself.<\/p>\n

Which is why, after a few minutes, she falls and breaks her neck..<\/p>\n

So\u2026yeah, that\u2019s mildly unexpected. You know, I really do suspect that I was doing something wrong, and that to get the rumored \u201cgood\u201d ending you need to get her down, but damned if I can suss it out. Looks like she just gets to fall to her death, then.<\/p>\n

Of course, this raises a moral dilemma of some significance. To wit: do I add this to Jack\u2019s kill count? On the one hand, hiding here was kind of her idea. On the other hand, I did fail to get her down again, and possible could have saved her. But if that\u2019s the case, it\u2019s technically my stupidity that damned her, not Jack\u2019s. Hm. Eh, I\u2019ll just assume the fishmen activity that caused her to pick that particular hiding spot is Jack\u2019s fault, which is pretty reasonable.<\/p>\n

Innocent People Jack\u2019s Gotten Killed: Six<\/strong><\/p>\n

I break the news to Burnham, and he\u2019s understandably broken up about it. Hey, uh, sorry for your loss, guess she\u2019s not coming. Just you and me. So\u2026<\/p>\n

Shotgun!<\/p>\n

No shotgun?<\/p>\n

I get back into the flatbed. A few minutes down the road, Burnham mucks up somehow and flips the truck onto its side. I hit the street, and as my vision fades, the last thing I see is him running away unscathed. Funny how that works. You\u2019d almost think he had a seatbelt and dashboard to keep him from hitting the road like a sack of potatoes, while all I have is happy thoughts, thrice-fragmented bones, and a head as soft as goat cheese.<\/p>\n

Thus ends Innsmouth. Wasn\u2019t that fun?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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