{"id":1935,"date":"2010-04-14T01:05:17","date_gmt":"2010-04-14T09:05:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1935"},"modified":"2026-06-15T17:07:23","modified_gmt":"2026-06-16T01:07:23","slug":"in-a-hostile-country-the-saga-of-cahmel-lets-play-morrowind-part-43","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1935","title":{"rendered":"In a Hostile Country: The Saga of Cahmel (Let’s Play Morrowind, Part 43)"},"content":{"rendered":"

If anyone asks, I’m taking part in an experiment to prove that sleep deprivation has no effect on post quality. Except, it’s actually one of those tricksy sociology experiments where it’s really trying to figure out how dumb the subject is.<\/em><\/p>\n

When we last left our hero, he had just unlocked a crucial resource\u2014the ability to move at speeds that border on the ludicrous<\/em>. Not only am I the handsomest thing in the game, I am now also the absolute fastest.<\/p>\n

To the casual observer, these boots may seem overpowered, since no opponent will pose a genuine threat to me if I can just mince away at the first sign of actual danger. This impression is entirely accurate. When I strap these suckers on, I\u2019m signing a contract with the game saying that it can be as easy as it wants to be as long as I get to gad about like James Dean. It\u2019s kind of like a gentleman\u2019s agreement, except it\u2019s just cheating.<\/p>\n

Okay, that\u2019s not totally fair. It doesn\u2019t magically give me the ability to not lose fights, it just gives me the ability to have them on my own terms. Not doing well? There\u2019s just about no power that can stop me from flitting away and hiding under a rock\u2014or alternately, just finding higher ground and throwing used gum at my opponents until they die. Still, while superior speed guarantees I\u2019ll never really lose a fight, it doesn\u2019t mean that I\u2019ll necessarily win them.
\n
\nStill, the speed thing kind of reminds me of a story from the previous game in the Elder Scrolls series, Daggerfall. I\u2019m going to go ahead and say that I found this game not so good<\/em>, knowing as I do so that I’m inviting negative comments and earnest assassination attempts. It has to do with where I fall on the size to depth scale.<\/p>\n

See, each game in the Elder Scrolls series, of which Morrowind is the third entry, makes the game universe feel a little bit smaller and a little bit denser. Arena gave you access to an entire Tolkein-sized fantasy world, but you only had a brochure\u2019s worth of truly unique locations to drop by. Morrowind gives you one island, but it\u2019s full of life. Daggerfall was the intermediate option\u2014it had hundreds of towns and scads of wilderness in the principalities of High Rock and Hammerfell, but most of it was basically the same. This never really appealed to me. Theoretically, the large landmass would make the game ideal for exploring, but what was the point? The last fifteen towns were mid-sized European-style towns with an inn, a bookstore, some adventurer shops, a few random farm animals roaming the streets, and a bunch of women who were in danger of catching their death from cold. Chances are good that the next one will have all of that with slightly different names.<\/p>\n

Anyway, let’s get to the other part of my Daggerfall tangent. Whilst loitering around bored in some town whose name I don\u2019t remember, I decided to just straight-up slash a couple guards up. At that point, I was low enough level that taking on even one guard was suicide. It was entertaining suicide, though, so I went around from guard to guard and started smacking them all as I went, jogging away and pelvic-thrusting at them when they tried to put me under arrest.<\/p>\n

I started rocketing around town backwards, watching in amusement as I collected more and more irate guards. I was slightly faster than them, so they never quite managed to catch up with me, leaving me unscathed even as dozens of guards were after me at once. As an experiment, I started waving my sword around in their general direction as I ran\u2014it connected with the guards at the front of the pack. It was only a little damage, but it was nothing they could do anything about, and as I did more and more laps around town it began to add up.<\/p>\n

For the next ten minutes, I cheerfully whittled away at this massive mob of angry constables, leaving a trail of evenly-spaced corpses in my wake. Before long, I had killed several dozen of an enemy that was ostensibly more powerful than I was. I made an incredible profit selling their gear, as I recall\u2014I could have started a GuardMart supply shop with the spoils. It was one of my more lucrative ventures in the game. Part of me still wants to punch a few police officers, then run around town backwards swinging a bread knife at them, just to see which happens first: they shoot me, or I back into an open sewer.<\/p>\n

Oops. Disregard those last few paragraphs, they\u2019re actually from my top-secret future series, Let\u2019s Play a Game That Needs Special Software to Simulate a Computer Sucky Enough to Run It<\/em>. I guess we should get back to that other thing.<\/p>\n

I speed down the street, a veritable demon on heels. Right now, Gaenor\u2019s waiting in the temple district, thinking that he has the edge because he\u2019s stronger, tougher, luckier, and far better-equipped than I am. The fool<\/em>. Witness the fury of this fully-operational Cahmel station!<\/p>\n

I draw my blade, bob into attack range, swing twice, miss twice, fail to get out of his way fast enough, and get clocked for massive damage. He kills me with his backswing, although I think a canker sore would have finished me off at that point.<\/p>\n

Is it just me, or did that play out exactly <\/em>like it did before I got these boots?<\/p>\n

Okay, focus. What did you do wrong there? Besides, you know, the part where you died. Well, for one thing, you got within melee range of him. That\u2019s been associated with him killing you in 100% of situations so far. So, if you could hit him with your short sword without getting within range of his longsword, you\u2019d be in the clear.<\/p>\n

I actually break down and swap it out for a longsword, purchased at my friendly local armorer. It\u2019s not even as good as the saber I sold when I started using this thing, but it\u2019s got slightly better range, so hopefully my death will be a little less inevitable this second time.<\/p>\n

Nope.<\/p>\n

I manage to get a few free shots in while running away, then am forced to step up a little so he\u2019s in range again. He takes the opportunity to perform amateur tonsil surgery on me with his longsword.<\/p>\n

Okay, so, conventional tactics are a bust. Let me try something crazy: removing all of my gear and attacking him with a bit of wood, stopping every five minutes to eat a piece of scrib jerky and sing about cliff racers. Alternately: maybe just use more health potions? Okay, see, yeah, there we go. I managed to get in three hits before he killed me this time. Really, I\u2019m going to win this fight eventually. It\u2019s just a matter of reloading and reloading until I get a successful run.<\/p>\n

I reload. The game, sensing a tinge of optimism remaining, crashes hard.<\/p>\n

I get back in. I die two more times. The game crashes.<\/p>\n

I get back in, I die two more times, the game crashes.<\/p>\n

I get back in, two more times, game crashes.<\/p>\n

Back in, twice more, crash.<\/p>\n

Back. Twice. Crash.<\/p>\n

You know, I hear that High Rock and Hammerfell are nice this time of year.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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