{"id":1961,"date":"2010-04-20T00:55:06","date_gmt":"2010-04-20T08:55:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1961"},"modified":"2026-06-15T17:07:23","modified_gmt":"2026-06-16T01:07:23","slug":"in-a-hostile-country-the-saga-of-cahmel-lets-play-morrowind-part-44","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=1961","title":{"rendered":"In a Hostile Country: The Saga of Cahmel (Let’s Play Morrowind, Part 44)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s Massive Essay Week<\/em>, so until I turn it in Wednesday, posts will be a bit on the slim side.<\/em><\/p>\n

When we last left our hero, he was locked in an epic battle with oh screw this<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Do you remember when Cahmel was a brave, trash-talking wrecking ball that took down anyone who got in his way and wouldn\u2019t take any guff from fools? Me neither<\/em>. That may be because of all the brain damage the past 3134 beatdowns have caused, or maybe I accidentally repressed all those memories along with the sexual harassment stuff. More likely, it\u2019s because I\u2019ve got the coolness factor of a middle-school math teacher, along with about half the fighting instinct and a quarter of the earning power.<\/p>\n

Much as I\u2019d like to take down Gaenor, I just don\u2019t have the resources for it. In addition to decent weapons and armor, I\u2019d need Contraesque fighting reflexes, improbable luck, the perseverance of Sisyphus, a tub of healing juice you could drown a giraffe in, and a game that wasn\u2019t buggy beyond repair. Currently, I\u2019ve got mediocre weapons and armor, the reflexes you\u2019d need for a game of Dora the Explorer Drawing Pals, the luck of an Egyptian archaeologist who\u2019s pissed off a gypsy, the perseverance of a toddler on crystal meth, a few homeopathic healing tonics that are probably more magnetic water than alchemy, and a game that was programmed by Bethesda Softworks. In other words: I\u2019ve got a recipe for consistent, impressive failure, the kind you could sell tickets to.<\/p>\n

So I\u2019m not going to fight it anymore. I\u2019m not going to fight him <\/em>anymore. I\u2019d call my stubbornness up to this point childish, except I\u2019m pretty sure a seven-year-old girl would be more effective in this fight than I am. I\u2019m just going to do the mature, reasoned, sensible thing and flee the city forever, never returning for any reason.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s right: no more Mournhold (Light, Magic, etc). I am blowing this place for good, and I am never looking back. So far the place has brought me nothing but heartache and misery\u2014I\u2019ve been conned into acting as decoy for an assassination attempt, I\u2019ve witnessed the death of my greatest friend, I\u2019ve witnessed the death of some other guy who I guess I was technically friends with or something, and now I\u2019ve died a thousand deaths against some beggar with the mental stability of a coked-out wolverine. This town has been a year-round carnival of abuse and humiliation, and I\u2019m getting out while I\u2019ve still got my last shred of dignity.<\/p>\n

Wait. No, false alarm, I lost that back when I got Crassius to promote me by taking off my doffing my quietly fashionable bug pants and doing a jig. Yeah, I think I\u2019m actually in the negatives as far as dignity goes. Getting aced repeatedly by a Bosmer panhandler who is, in the process, denying me access to an entire district of the city? A district that would be necessary to complete the main quest? That\u2019s elementary school bully territory. It doesn\u2019t get more pathetic than this without direct intervention by an unsympathetic deity.<\/p>\n

So, what now? First order of business: get back to the mainland. Second order of business: as much alcohol as logistics allows. Once those are attended to, it\u2019s time to get back to work.<\/p>\n

Fighters gonna fight, you see. I might be tired of this particular battle, but Cahmel can\u2019t go more than a few days without hacking somebody\u2019s extremities off or else he starts to get the twitches. I need to find a battle, but it has to be one that\u2019s a proper challenge. And by that, I mean it has to be one that even I can win.<\/p>\n

Hm\u2026<\/p>\n

\"\"

That's a 41-post callback, motherbotherers.<\/p><\/div>\n

Next week: Just call me The Exterminator, because that sounds a lot cooler than Professional Rodent Duelist.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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