{"id":2210,"date":"2010-06-29T00:10:35","date_gmt":"2010-06-29T08:10:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=2210"},"modified":"2026-06-15T17:07:22","modified_gmt":"2026-06-16T01:07:22","slug":"in-a-hostile-country-the-saga-of-cahmel-lets-play-morrowind-part-49","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=2210","title":{"rendered":"In a Hostile Country: The Saga of Cahmel (Let’s Play Morrowind, Part 49)"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>

In Ald-Ruhn, the wind doesn't blow, it--wait, it does that like all of the time. It's windy like a champ up in there.<\/p><\/div>\n

When we last left our brave hero, he was finally getting what he wanted out of life: actual quantifiable success. Some say the best reward is knowing that you\u2019ve done your job well, and so far, I\u2019d have to agree. I mean, in theory, adequate financial compensation would be nice, but since I typically get paid barely above travel expenses to do all of this freelance murdering that\u2019s not really on the table. My reward is that lovely warm feeling you get when you successfully complete a job (parameters for success include: the whiny NPC has stopped whining, the violent NPC is now dead, the jerkass NPC is now giving you money).<\/p>\n

But yeah, in case you were wondering what the going rate on finding godforsaken ruins and battling necromancers singlehandedly is: two hundred and fifty drakes<\/em>. The wages on getting released from prison are almost a third of that, and I\u2019d probably make more money if I nicked all of the knickknacks in the waiting room and flogged them down the street. As a bonus, this option would not require taking two modes of fast travel and slogging my way across the countryside on foot, then hacking apart an army of skeletons at the behest of some buoyant Dunmer redneck (blueneck?), then slogging back <\/em>and taking the bug-based commute from hell again. Actually, did I even make back all of my travel expenses on this job? Maybe, but when you factor in getting my sword repaired and the 31 incidental briberies that are part and parcel of every quest in this game, I probably just about broke even. Marvelous. I don\u2019t suppose the tavern is hiring? I think I could probably handle that, as long as the customers didn\u2019t shout and they didn\u2019t make me clean rats out of the basement.<\/p>\n

Whatever, let\u2019s move on to the next job. Some Redoran dude went rogue\u2014oh, I\u2019m killing rogue Redoran <\/em>this time, what a lovely change of pace\u2014and now he\u2019s heading up some highwaymen in the north. For only the sixtieth time since I started this game, I have to go into a cave and then kill some bandits inside the cave. Luckily, they\u2019ve pinpointed the exact location of the bandits: they\u2019re located in Sargon, which is precisely <\/em>somewhere kind of north of Maar Gan, I don\u2019t know, like, ask around or something. Translation: I want you to get out of my personal space, then stay out for as long as possible. If you being stranded out in the bitter ash-blown wastelands amidst an entire continent of violent fauna means I don\u2019t have to smell and\/or pay you for an extra week, I will do anything to make this happen.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I strider out to Maar Gan, then go up to the first person I see and politely ask them where Sargon is. He responds something to the tune of: \u201cOh, Sargon, you say? Well, don\u2019t know why you\u2019d want to go there, but that\u2019s your business. Very your business. As in, you are the only one with a fiscal stake in the location of Sargon\u2026so far<\/em>. Nudge. Meaningful nudge.\u201d<\/p>\n

I pay them one (1) Bastard Tax. Their response is the same, which I\u2019m now interpreting as meaning: \u201cOh, what a shame, this really is important information that you desperately need to do your job, but I just don\u2019t have any incentive to give it to you. Oh, by the way, thank you for the hundred drakes; that was a nice out-of-the-blue gift from a total stranger that is obviously entirely unrelated to the only conversation topic you\u2019ve ever broached in this town. Hey, I just got an idea! If you pay me another hundred drakes, I\u2019ll give you information about Sargon!\u201d<\/p>\n

I swear, they must teach Wringing Absurd Sums Out of Rich, Desperate Outlander Scum<\/em> in public schools out here.<\/p>\n

I fork over another hundred. They take it, then look left and right down the street.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, that\u2019s enough. Now, pay attention, because I\u2019m only going to say this once. Okay?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n

\u201cListen good. The location of Sargon\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe place where the bandits are located\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026yes?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t know, do you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026known to two people in town, the vague locations of whom I will now give you!\u201d<\/p>\n

I make a mental note to charge two hundred dollars the next time somebody at college asks me where the UTC is, before giving them the vague locations of two people on campus who might know where it is. Then I realize that if I tried that in real life, I\u2019d probably get the crap beaten out of me. Then I save the game, beat the crap out of the NPC, and load it again.*<\/p>\n

They give me a couple names, and I\u2019m out of the dialogue and halfway across town before I realize that I hadn\u2019t even tried to remember what the names were. I had committed to memory only that one of them was in the tradehouse; apparently, I had unconsciously resigned myself to just running around the tradehouse like an idiot, bribing everyone until I could find out whether or not they knew where Sargon was.<\/p>\n

Finally, I come across an orc lady who seems to know what\u2019s the what. She doesn\u2019t even require scads of bribery to impart basic instructions, which, in this town, makes her a sort of charity case. Of course, considering the content of her instructions, that was probably a calculated move on her part engineered to avoid breakdown-induced violence:<\/p>\n

\u201cSargon? Hooo boy, that\u2019s way far north of here. Seriously, like, we\u2019re a third of the way down the mainland? Place isn\u2019t even on <\/em>the mainland. It\u2019s like, somewhere southwest of\u2026ever here of a place called Vas?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was just there yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, like, somewhere southwest of that. So, you\u2019re probably going to have to buy some fast travel to get there.\u201d<\/p>\n

I checked my map, and if her directions were even a little bit correct, she was right. Saying that Sargon was north of Maar Gan is kind of like saying Boston is north of Tijuana\u2014absolutely correct in a strictly geological sense, but completely useless if it\u2019s intended for navigational purposes. Hell, if I\u2019d known where Sargon was beforehand, I never would have even bothered coming here. I would have just fast traveled straight to Khuul, then Dagon Fel\u2014as it was, I was going to have to take that route anyway. I also wouldn\u2019t have had to spread bribes around just trying to get directions to the person who can give me directions. So, all told, that\u2019s about two hundred and fifty drakes I\u2019m never going to see again\u2014and it\u2019s all thanks to the rotten directions the questgiver gave me. Say, where have I seen that number before? That looks so familiar. It\u2019s going to bother me all day, I just know it.<\/p>\n

*Then again, this is from my perspective\u2014I knew they\u2019d give me the information I needed once I started spreading money around, so I naturally saw it as coercion. You could also argue the conversation went like this:<\/p>\n

\u201cSARGON.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBeg pardon, stranger?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you know about Sargon? Answer me quickly, I\u2019m a busy man!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUh\u2026it\u2019s dangerous? I don\u2019t know. Why did you\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHere\u2019s a hundred dollars!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat? Oh my god, thank you! I don\u2019t know how\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSARGON!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, did you want to know something specific? I want to help you, it\u2019s just that I don\u2019t\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHere! Have another hundred dollars!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026this is more money that I see in a year! I don\u2019t know if I can accept this, I don\u2019t think that\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSARGON!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease, I don\u2019t know what you want! I mean, there\u2019s somebody at the tradehouse who might know where that is, I guess, but\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRight! I\u2019m out of here!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, well, okay then. Thanks again for the money, sir!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure thing, asshole<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Either way you look at it, I’ve got a weird job.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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