{"id":2625,"date":"2010-08-24T22:58:25","date_gmt":"2010-08-25T06:58:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=2625"},"modified":"2026-06-15T17:07:22","modified_gmt":"2026-06-16T01:07:22","slug":"the-cyrodiil-look-cahmels-new-travels-lets-play-oblivion-part-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=2625","title":{"rendered":"The Cyrodiil Look: Cahmels’ New Travels (Let’s Play Oblivion, Part 4)"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is a bit of a short one–I’m getting V&B ready to go out the door, and I’ve only got so much time left before the net cuts off, so I kinda needed to wrap this one up. I might go ahead and do another short one this week to balance things out. On the plus side, I got out of the damn dungeon.<\/em><\/p>\n

When we last left our patriotic hero, I was standing there with my hands in my pockets and a stupid look on my face* while an assassin crawled out of a tunnel and stabbed the Emperor to death. One would think that I could have intervened, since I was facing in the direction of the assassin and watched him climb out of the wall, take a few steps forward, and then stab Moaning Uriel right in back of the head. In fact, he moved slowly enough that I could have done anything running the gamut from a.) asking the Emperor, in a calm and level tone, to maybe scoot over a bit, to b.) jogging up and putting myself between the emperor and his target, to c.) drawing a picture of the approaching assassin, walking out of the prison, finding a mailman, giving the drawing to the mailman, and asking him to deliver it to the Emperor with the message: this is what is currently behind you, maybe you should do something about that. Then again, perhaps there was nothing I could have done to protect his Highness. This was an elite killer of the Mystic Dawn cult\/fraternity\/cosplayer\u2019s union we\u2019re dealing with, a man hand-picked to take on the Emperor\u2019s own bodyguards, on their own turf, to perform an assassination crucial to his dread order\u2019s long-awaited scheme to conquer the world. It\u2019d be ludicrous to assume that I, a feeble prisoner armed only with a crappy short sword and all the rat-toilet rust-trap armor I could find lying around the ditches of a neglected tunnel, could ever hope to take him on in hand to hand combat whoops I hit him and now he\u2019s dead. Okay, so apparently, this usage of \u201celite assassin\u201d is synonymous with \u201cglass-boned LARP-fighting dingus in a spiky suit.\u201d Must be a cultural thing, like filling your too-goddamned-long escape tunnels with assassin-friendly rat holes and goblin reservations. And doors that can be easily barred from the outside.<\/p>\n

You know, if I actually gave a recently-severed rat\u2019s keister about the Empire, I\u2019d probably have been miffed that Bethesda static-clung my feet to the floor back there. As it was, I was chomping at the bit to loot Septim\u2019s pimp-robe, skedaddle, and go hit some bars. Say what you want about the guy, but his style was pretty solid. Hell, I might even try some of his pickup lines. \u201cYou! Let me see your face\u2026you\u2019re the one from my vision! It is as the gods foretold\u2026say, baby, what\u2019s your birthsign?\u201d<\/p>\n

Recently-unemployed bodyguard Walrus wasn\u2019t too happy to see that his charge got murdered. On the other hand, he seemed to take the death of the Emperor, his own failure to commit his sworn duty, and the seemingly inevitable demise of the entire nation, pretty darned well. \u201cDang,\u201d he seemed to say, \u201cI can\u2019t turn my back on this guy for five minutes! Oh, that Emperor, always getting into one scrape or another. Seriously, though, did you already call dibs on that robe? I know, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

Also, I went ahead and relayed the message the Emperor gave me, which was to take his amulet to a monk named Jauffre. To my mild surprise, Walrus was totally okay with this plan. \u201cWhat\u2019s that, prisoner? You say that while you were alone with the Emperor for five seconds, he said that you should totally have all your charges cleared and be turned loose, unsupervised, from your squalid prison cell? And that he asked\u2014he insisted<\/em>\u2014that you take his extremely expensive crown jewels with you for safekeeping, instead of giving it me, his highly-trained, highly-trustworthy, schedule-open agent? Whatevs. The exit\u2019s that way, here\u2019s a key, have a nice life. I\u2019m going to go commit ritual suicide or whatever it is we do.\u201d<\/p>\n

After a final character-creating screen, in which I declined the preset classes in favor of a custom one I dubbed Vagrant, I managed to stumble through the rest of the dungeon without further interruption. Within mere minutes, I stood at the edge of the sewer grate, looking out over the beautiful landscape and thinking: this is coming thrillingly close to beating bowl-punting as a form of afternoon diversion.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

I don't see a single filthy, neglected pile of bones, but I think I like it anyway.<\/p><\/div>\n

Of course, things weren\u2019t going to be all <\/em>about leisure, were they? I had a quest now: I was to carry the Bloodline Amulet of the late Uriel Septim to Jauffre, a monk at Wenyon Priory, Chorrol, located northwest of my location. What\u2019s more, I had a plan, which was to go in the exact opposite direction and pretend the past hour or so never happened.<\/p>\n

Beyond that, my schedule was flexible. I had a load of rusted, ill-used adventuring equipment to sell, a slightly doughy body to rework into a taut killing machine, and a host of respectable employment options to sneer at. After all, I could only derive so much booze money from the stuff I found in a rotted-out goblin cave; sooner or later, I had to get some fresh money rolling in. I just had to figure out how. <\/em>Again, I had my bloodline\u2019s rich tradition of not taking honest jobs to uphold, and I suspect that I\u2019d surpassed the Fighter\u2019s Guild\u2019s maximum IQ threshold around shameful beating #52, so that left me with\u2026professional spitting leagues. And burlesque dancing.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Not that I didn't have the glamorous mystique for it.<\/p><\/div>\n

Whatever, I\u2019ll ask around, something\u2019s bound to show up. If Vvardenfel taught me anything, it\u2019s that there\u2019s always a market for swarthy, disreputable outlanders willing to perform aggressively petty personal errands for modest lumps of cash. And, hey, as long as their quest reward clears, I\u2019m down for just about any task, no matter how savory it isn\u2019t. I\u2019m like a character out of an Ayn Rand novel, except for the part about being extremely competent, or principled, or marginally competent.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sure something\u2019ll turn up. I\u2019ve got a real good feeling.<\/p>\n

*Note that, given Bethesda\u2019s face modeling and animation, this condition is omnipresent.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is a bit of a short one–I’m getting V&B ready to go out the door, and I’ve only got so much time left before the net cuts off, so I kinda needed to...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[273],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2625","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play-oblivion"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Cyrodiil Look: Cahmels' New Travels (Let's Play Oblivion, Part 4) -<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=2625\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Cyrodiil Look: Cahmels' New Travels (Let's Play 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