{"id":2920,"date":"2010-10-18T01:58:18","date_gmt":"2010-10-18T09:58:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=2920"},"modified":"2026-06-15T17:07:22","modified_gmt":"2026-06-16T01:07:22","slug":"the-cyrodiil-look-cahmels-new-travels-lets-play-oblivion-part-10","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=2920","title":{"rendered":"The Cyrodiil Look: Cahmel\u2019s New Travels (Let\u2019s Play Oblivion, Part 10)"},"content":{"rendered":"

When we last left our hero, he\u2019d been roused from his beauty sleep by a visit from the quest hook fairy. That\u2019s right: my daring heist theft operation had not gone unnoticed by the Thieves\u2019 Guild, who immediately composed and mailed a signed invitation into their fraternity.<\/p>\n

Actually, snaps and dang, this invitation was written by the Grey Fox himself. For outsiders: the Grey Fox is the enigmatic individual who runs the Thieves\u2019 Guild. Wanted posters of him are hung up all over the Imperial City, which is a bit stupid, because he wears a Batman-esque cowl that leaves only his mouth and beard visible. It does shed some light on the whole hire-people-who-get-caught thing, though; apparently, the modus operandi of the most skilled and cunning criminal on the continent is to<\/p>\n

A.)\u00a0 Have a motif that makes him instantly recognizable, and<\/p>\n

B.)\u00a0\u00a0 Be witnessed committing multiple crimes while associated with this persona<\/p>\n

What I\u2019m saying is, if he ever had any subtlety, it was probably confiscated from him on his eighth trip to the big house. Maybe he\u2019s just looking for applicants as brazen and stupid as he is, so that he might teach them his secret: if you\u2019re going to perpetrate inept crime, for god\u2019s sake, wear a mask.<\/em><\/p>\n

Actually, you know, I\u2019m not exactly sure how he found out about me in the first place. Considering the big news in the area is, \u201cEmperor of Empire is Assassinated,\u201d I don\u2019t think, \u201cFilthy foreigner caresses table setting,\u201d is gonna make waves. Maybe GF makes a point of reading through the police blotter, if only to chuckle at all of the entries like \u201cGrey Fox passes bad check while in costume, signs real name,\u201d \u201cGrey Fox kicks a guard in groin and runs,\u201d and \u201cGrey Fox pees on public statue.\u201d<\/p>\n

Oh, yeah, and to recap, the note\u2019s delivered by a woman whose features are\u2026well, impressive. <\/em>Impressive meaning that, in a game where the facial modelers\u2019 references appear to be Gahan Wilson drawings, she manages to be strikingly ugly. I took a screenshot of her face, but when I tried to access it my computer began to belch acrid smoke and the monitor started to curdle like bad milk. If ugliness were illegal, she\u2019d have been recruited into the Thieves\u2019 Guild before she was old enough to read.<\/p>\n

Anyway, if you recall, the lady delivers the note by breaking into my room, waking me up, and handing it to me with the assertion it was \u201cfrom a friend,\u201d before leaving without another word. Having little better to do, I start to follow her.<\/p>\n

At first, she seems to be ambivalent. I keep my distance, walking just far enough behind her that she\u2019d be able to hear me, but not close enough that she\u2019d catch me in her peripheral vision. Occasionally, I\u2019ll wander a little too close, at which point she\u2019ll stop, shoot me an over-the-shoulder stare, and declare, \u201cAren\u2019t you an ugly one.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hey, careful, lady\u2014words can hurt like a sword. A sword to the back of the head. On a lonely country road. Out in the wilderness, where no-one would ever hear you or find you.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re about fifteen minutes into the journey when all the sudden, she throws up a hand and vanishes. Well, no, okay, when I say \u201cvanish,\u201d I mean, \u201cshe becomes a brutally obvious shimmer in the air.\u201d For a moment, I think she\u2019s given me the slip, but then I witness her run right off the road into the shrubs. Did she forget an appointment or something? An appointment she has to be invisible for?<\/p>\n

My question is answered when a bandit swaggers onto the road. He expresses his heartfelt belief that I, as an individual and member of society, owe him money. I articulate a strenuous and respectful disagreement. We debate the finer points of the topic, and then I stab him in the gut until he runs out of blood to bleed with.<\/p>\n

A moment later, Mrs. Hatchetface saunters back onto the road, still camouflaged. Then she de-cloaks and begins walking again as if nothing happened\u2026for all of five feet, whereupon she stumbles back off the road to avoid getting savaged by a wolf.<\/p>\n

This proves to be a pattern. There will be a few minutes of uninterrupted, peaceful traveling, punctuated by me getting brutalized by some wild animal or someone who\u2019s rejecting society even more hardcore than I am. Actually, wait, if I\u2019m going to join the Thief\u2019s Guild, where does that put me as far as bandits goes? Is there like a secret handshake? Because if there is and it turns out to be charging at someone while wielding an axe, I\u2019m going to feel pretty silly.<\/p>\n

Finally, after a couple days of dragging the NPC down the road encounter by encounter, we reach the Imperial City.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

The city that sleeps like a drugged housecat.<\/p><\/div>\n

She loiters around for a bit, then heads home.<\/p>\n

Hah! Joke\u2019s on you, you malformed crone! I bet you thought I wouldn\u2019t follow you out of the city, huh? I bet you thought I\u2019d give up after you got attacked by that bandit, or those wolves, or that other bandit, or that bear, or that mountain lion, or that bandit, or that marauder, or that wolf, or that bandit, or that\u2026uh, that\u2026<\/p>\n

Come to think of it, that was a pretty dangerous trip. Really, super dangerous. I mean, it\u2019s nothing for a studly piston of greased machismo like myself, but for a rickety old baggage like you, it seems kinda chancy. What do you do for protection when you don\u2019t have someone like me following\u2014<\/p>\n

Wait a minute. Wait just one god damn minute. I was following a slow-moving NPC on a point to point journey, protecting them against attackers\u2026<\/p>\n

I think I might have just been tricked into escorting an NPC.<\/p>\n

Successfully.<\/p>\n

For free.<\/p>\n

I consider crying, but settle for wandering away, and then crying.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s then that I bump into this charming lady. She\u2019s the first mate of her ship, the Marie Elena, <\/em>a beautiful vessel docked four feet away.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

This is just about the prettiest woman in the Imperial City, by the way. Or, no, wait. I forget; this one's either that or the second handsomest man.<\/p><\/div>\n

She makes a point of informing me that if I touch it, she\u2019s going to have her men try to kill me. If you have to ask what happens next, maybe you should consult this chart:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Turns out, the only thing I like more than murdering pirates is owning a boat.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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