{"id":3233,"date":"2010-12-21T00:47:20","date_gmt":"2010-12-21T08:47:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=3233"},"modified":"2026-06-15T17:07:22","modified_gmt":"2026-06-16T01:07:22","slug":"a-very-cahmel-christmas-part-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=3233","title":{"rendered":"A Very Cahmel Christmas, Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

EDIT: Due in part to its length, and in part to showstopper glitches with the game, the next Cahmel Christmas will be up ASAP, probably tomorrow-like.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Cahmel the Red-Handed Raider<\/em><\/p>\n

Cahmel the shiftless vagrant<\/p>\n

Left his thieving asshat bros<\/p>\n

Their economic model\u2014<\/p>\n

You would even say it blows<\/p>\n

All of the other bagmen<\/p>\n

Made him jump through lots of hoops<\/p>\n

Just so they\u2019d let poor Cahmel<\/p>\n

In their inbred Thieves\u2019 Guild loop<\/p>\n

Then one fed-up afternoon<\/p>\n

Cahmel came to say<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know, you guys just ain\u2019t that bright<\/p>\n

I\u2019m gonna go and pick a fight.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m fed up with all you losers,<\/p>\n

And how you make me prove my worth<\/p>\n

I\u2019m finding a new career path<\/p>\n

Off your stupid Waterfront turf!\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Cahmel the Swordman<\/em><\/p>\n

Cahmel the Swordman<\/p>\n

Was a grumbling, violent soul<\/p>\n

With a big ol\u2019 blade and a bag of gold<\/p>\n

That he\u2019d got from stuff he\u2019d stole<\/p>\n

Cahmel the Swordman<\/p>\n

Is now unemployed, they say,<\/p>\n

He was once a thief<\/p>\n

But they gave him grief<\/p>\n

So he hiked on up the way<\/p>\n

\u201cThere must be some employer<\/p>\n

In this crappy three-horse town\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

And when he talked to local folks,<\/p>\n

They said, \u201cHere\u2019s what\u2019s going down,<\/p>\n

At the Arena,<\/p>\n

They\u2019re all handing out the gold<\/p>\n

Just to any twit<\/p>\n

With a weasel\u2019s wit<\/p>\n

And the fighting skills of mold.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cahmel the lazy<\/p>\n

Loved to score an easy pay<\/p>\n

So he packed his sword<\/p>\n

Cocked his head and roared,<\/p>\n

\u201cGuess today is violence day!\u201d<\/p>\n

Down to the district<\/p>\n

With the Arena and nothing else<\/p>\n

(What a waste of space,<\/p>\n

This could be a place<\/p>\n

For some houses, shops, or cells<\/em>)<\/p>\n

He ran down to the pitmaster<\/p>\n

Who doled him out some gear,<\/p>\n

And said, \u201cJust head on up the stairs<\/p>\n

And if you win, come on back here.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cahmel the badman<\/p>\n

Grabbed his singlet and his sword<\/p>\n

And he ran outside<\/p>\n

To the battlecries<\/p>\n

And thought, \u201cWell, least I\u2019m not bored.\u201d<\/p>\n

Whackity whack whack<\/p>\n

Whackity whack whack<\/p>\n

Look at Cahmel go!<\/p>\n

Whackity whack whack<\/p>\n

Whackity whack whack!<\/p>\n

Fleeing from his foe!<\/p>\n

Whackity whack whack!<\/p>\n

Whackity whack whack!<\/p>\n

Oh god, this actually sucks!<\/p>\n

Whackity whack whack!<\/p>\n

Whackity whack whack!<\/p>\n

No, seriously, how the hell do you get out of this here?<\/p>\n

Whackity whack<\/em>—<\/p>\n

And we’ll pick up from there tomorrow. In the meantime, enjoy this questionnaire. It’s holiday-themed–you can tell because it’s got Christmas colors on and the writing at the top’s all curly.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
\n<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

EDIT: Due in part to its length, and in part to showstopper glitches with the game, the next Cahmel Christmas will be up ASAP, probably tomorrow-like. Cahmel the Red-Handed Raider Cahmel the shiftless vagrant...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[268],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3233","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play-morrowind"],"yoast_head":"\nA Very Cahmel Christmas, Part 1 -<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=3233\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Very Cahmel Christmas, Part 1 -\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"EDIT: Due in part to its length, and in part to showstopper glitches with the game, the next Cahmel Christmas will be up ASAP, probably tomorrow-like. 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