{"id":3784,"date":"2011-08-28T01:22:49","date_gmt":"2011-08-28T09:22:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=3784"},"modified":"2026-06-15T17:07:22","modified_gmt":"2026-06-16T01:07:22","slug":"the-cyrodiil-look-cahmels-new-travels-lets-play-oblivion-part-23","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=3784","title":{"rendered":"The Cyrodiil Look: Cahmel&#8217;s New Travels (Let&#8217;s Play Oblivion, Part 23)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>When we last left our honorable hero, he\u2019d managed to rack up enough Jackass McBastard Jr.\u2019s Patented Asshole Points to qualify for an exciting position in the field of murder. Well, almost, anyway\u2014it\u2019d be fairer to say I\u2019d proven myself enough of a deranged monster to land an interview. My actual entrance exam was coming up.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ll let Lucy take it from here:<\/p>\n<p><a rel=\"attachment wp-att-3785\" href=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?attachment_id=3785\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-3785\" title=\"ob3_1\" src=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/08\/ob3_1.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"543\" height=\"305\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a rel=\"attachment wp-att-3786\" href=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?attachment_id=3786\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-3786\" title=\"ob3_2\" src=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/08\/ob3_2.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"543\" height=\"305\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Okay, see, I\u2019m liking the straightforwardness. There is a man, go kill the man\u2014I can get behind this sort of organization. It\u2019s got a simplicity and purity of purpose to it that\u2019s really been lacking in the other organizations I\u2019ve dallied with. There\u2019s no specious sociopolitical agenda, no endless parade of grunt-work gofer quests that don\u2019t really go anywhere, no non-Euclidean architecture and fixation with hobofights\u2014just killing things and getting paid well for it. It\u2019s about goddamned time I found a questline that provided the basic meat-and-potatoes of adventuring without serving it alongside some kind of posturing nonsense.<\/p>\n<p><a rel=\"attachment wp-att-3787\" href=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?attachment_id=3787\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-3787\" title=\"ob3_4\" src=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/08\/ob3_4.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"543\" height=\"305\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Never mind.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s worth mentioning that this isn\u2019t so much a commentary on the Dark Brotherhood questline in general, which is quite well written and interesting. It\u2019s more a commentary on Loosey Goosey, here, who has the diction of a dedicated LARPer and a costume to match. You know, I\u2019d never really thought about it, but he looks exactly like that one guy who always tries to play a character a thousand times cooler and more badass than he is, but can\u2019t quite manage it, because all he\u2019s got to work with is a hooded cloak from Party City and a crude pastiche of coolguy clich\u00e9s\u2014the same ones he uses for all of the plot-critical NPCs in his 2<sup>nd<\/sup> Edition game, the ones that are all slight deviations of the protagonist of his unfinished fantasy novel, <em>Bladeswords of Darkshard<\/em>. And I really do mean Lucien looks like him, physically resembles him: he\u2019s got that round, chubby face, with the lazy 5-o-clock shadow and the puffy lips and the reddish eye sockets. I\u2019m not sure how this never struck me before, but now I can\u2019t unsee it\u2014I look at Lucien, and I see him rolling up to the counter of a 7-11 in full costume, ordering a Big Gulp and a Maxim and daring the clerk to comment.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe it\u2019s this abrupt shift in perspective that soured me on Lachance, but I suddenly felt a distaste for him and his antics. Don\u2019t knot yourself, I\u2019m still doin\u2019 the quests and all, but I didn\u2019t feel like standing by and acting all impressed by his faux-mysterious shenanigans. So when our business concluded, and he swept wordlessly away into the night\u2014er, afternoon\u2014I followed right on after him.<\/p>\n<p>Perhaps detecting that I aimed to spoil his exit, he slipped into invisibility. But since this is Oblivion, and \u201cinvisibility\u201d actually means \u201cmalfunctioning Predator cloak that bends light like silly putty and looks like a mobile kaleidoscope,\u201d this did not avail him much. So he just sort of jogged along, still plainly visible, until the situation got sort of awkward and he did exactly what he made his 2<sup>nd<\/sup>-Edition plot-critical NPCs do in this situation: teleport away by DM fiat, without any pretense of a logical explanation.<\/p>\n<p>This is more than a little aggravating to me, because it\u2019s blatant cheating on the part of the developers. There\u2019s clearly no reason this should be able to happen in-game. In most cases, when the game pulls stuff out of its ass like that, you can shrug your shoulders and say, \u201cI guess the world just works that way.\u201d For example, the game never needs to establish how the Dark Brotherhood\u2019s potential recruits are magically detected and weeded out, because that\u2019s different enough from the stuff in the observable sections of the game that you can give it the benefit of the doubt that that\u2019s just how this universe works. But in this case, all of the relevant elements are well within the observable spectrum of the game\u2014the nonexistence of personal teleportation magic is well-established, and the game can\u2019t even make the excuse, \u201cYou can just sort of do that ninja shiz when you get to the level of hardcoreness Lucien\u2019s reached,\u201d because the game allows you to get promoted right up to his level, and spoiler warning: no teleportation mojo is forthcoming. So without any justification, the message carried across by Lucien\u2019s disappearance is the same as the message in Lucien\u2019s 2<sup>nd<\/sup> Edition games: \u201cWhat\u2019s that? You\u2019ve outsmarted my railroad plot and my supposedly-godly NPC? Screw you, I win anyway. Man, this is much easier than being a player!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The least they could have done was wait for him to get through a loading zone before he dropped off the face of the Earth. I mean, when I go out a gate directly after an NPC and he\u2019s not there, at least I can kind of say to myself, \u201cI guess he ran off and now he\u2019s outside my field of vision.\u201d You can kind of kid yourself along there, and that\u2019s all I\u2019m asking\u2014for the game to meet me halfway on the rationalization. But having him disappear well away from the gate, under cover of a spell that doesn\u2019t work, using a spell that can\u2019t exist, is just a little obnoxious.<\/p>\n<p>Alright, enough fixating on that jazz, let\u2019s just get on with the quest. Pretty straightforward: just have to journey through the woods a ways, find an inn, and kill a certain guy inside. And now I have a weapon, so if I get attacked, I\u2019ll have something to defend myself with besides a tangible body odor and abysmal dress sense. Hm. Come to think of it, he did put a lot of emphasis on the dagger being a \u201cvirgin blade\u201d that had not yet been used to kill. In context, this seemed to have great ritualistic importance. So let\u2019s run through a purely hypothetical scenario. Let\u2019s say, purely for the sake of example, I was attacked by a wolf.<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_3788\" style=\"width: 553px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><a rel=\"attachment wp-att-3788\" href=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?attachment_id=3788\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-3788\" class=\"size-full wp-image-3788\" title=\"ob3_5\" src=\"http:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/08\/ob3_5.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"543\" height=\"305\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-3788\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Purely for the sake of example, this wolf.<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Doesn\u2019t killing the wolf kind of ruin the whole schtick? I\u2019m pretty sure he implied that this was intended to remain<em> <\/em>a virgin blade up until I killed Rufio&#8211;I mean, assuming I&#8217;m not reading too much into that? I kinda felt like that was supposed to be the blade&#8217;s&#8230;you know, its&#8230;first time? So, I mean, now that I\u2019ve killed an animal with it, isn\u2019t it sort of defl\u2014okay, yep, just decided I wasn\u2019t comfortable with this analogy. Let\u2019s try this again, <em>without<\/em> Lucien\u2019s creep clinging to the conversation like a fine layer of sweat.<\/p>\n<p>\u2026yeah, it\u2019s not working. Forget the whole thing, please.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When we last left our honorable hero, he\u2019d managed to rack up enough Jackass McBastard Jr.\u2019s Patented Asshole Points to qualify for an exciting position in the field of murder. Well, almost, anyway\u2014it\u2019d be&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[273],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3784","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play-oblivion"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>The Cyrodiil Look: Cahmel&#039;s New Travels (Let&#039;s Play Oblivion, Part 23) -<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.chocolatehammer.org\/?p=3784\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Cyrodiil Look: Cahmel&#039;s New Travels (Let&#039;s Play Oblivion, Part 23) -\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When we last left our honorable hero, he\u2019d managed to rack up enough Jackass McBastard Jr.\u2019s Patented Asshole Points to qualify for an exciting position in the field of murder. 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