In a Hostile Country: The Saga of Cahmel (Let’s Play Morrowind, Part 26)

EDIT: Okay, I think I sorted out the formatting on this one. If you have any problems, just e-mail me at Rutskarn at Chocolatehammer.org. Enjoy your double-length post.

When we last left our hero, he was given a mission too stupid to turn down. Let’s recap:

1.)    Travel to a cave called Odrinarn. She can’t mark it on my map (because she doesn’t feel like it, I guess) so she says, “It’s south of Landmark A and West of Landmark B. Here, I’ll mark them on your map.”
2.)    He only marks Landmark A on my map.
3.)    I beat my head against the wall.
4.)    Supposedly, in this cave, there is a cabal of Telvanni mages. Tevlanni mages are the very epitome of ruthless, amoral power. They are engines of magical destruction, their abilities honed through decades of study, training, and (when a rival grew too powerful) brutal exercise. It takes an expert to defeat even one of them.
5.)    An entire team of specialists, skilled at taking down Telvanni agents, was sent to this Odrinarn before me. They have not reported back, and are quite reasonably presumed dead.
6.)    So, if you could just nip over there yourself and kill all the mages, that’d be super.
7.)    Thanks!

Technically, my orders are to “report back”, but it’s also stated quite clearly that I’m to pick up where the specialists left off if they’re dead. See, by my calculations, it looks like they left of at the part where they all got killed by the goddamned murderous Tevlanni archmages. I was thinking about trying another tactic, myself. I’ve narrowed it down to mustard gassing the mages or catching the next boat to Elsweyr.

So, alright, alright, let’s just go and get this over with. I get my gear repaired and sell everything I’ve got the patience to find a buyer for, then trek out into the wilderness.

Here’s my map as he marked it:

Marked in red is where I'm starting out from. Marked in blue is the landmark I need to go south of. Marked in green is the theoretical third landmark, its existence debated by scholars and jackass questgivers.

As you can see, I’ve got a lot of ground to cover before I can even start looking for the place. Judging by the comments of my readers, and by my track record of wandering around through the ash looking for places, that part was going to take a while. I’m not sure if I need to pack more supplies or just buy a house out there.

I set out into the wilderness, falling into my comfortable routine of run for a bit, come to an animal, kill it, loot it, run for a bit, come to a bigger animal, kill it, loot it CLIFF RACER CLIFF RACER kill it, loot it, spit on it, run for a bit, come to a monster I can’t beat and run for a bigger bit.

At one point, I come to a daedric ruin. Remember how I said these things were either filled with wacko cultists or tough-as-nails monsters? Feast your eyes on option number 2:

On a lark, I decide to engage it. After all, how

tough can

it

DAMN

At this point, I realize I should really just cut my losses and run for it. To kill this thing, I’m going to need to blow some enchantment, wear down my gear, and even use up my last health potion. On the other hand, I have a chip on my shoulder the size of a heifer.

Screw it. You’re going down, Baby Bop.

I chug the potion, buff up, and start wailing on it like someone trying to get their coke from the vending machine. Finally, it gives a croak, staggers to the ground, and dies a silly-looking death. I take the opportunity to rip out its heart.

No, seriously. Daedra Heart, market value 200 septims. Gotta be thrifty.

Then I set off. By now, I’m getting close to the starting point I marked out for myself. I figure it’ll take 10, 15 minutes to find the cave entrance from there, as long as something doesn’t go hi-lariously wrong

Oh. Huh. There it is. Right there. No hassle at all.

Well. That was easy.

…you know, maybe I should, like. Go back out there and walk around some more. Just to feel like I really worked for it?

No, no, that’s stupid. I’ll just go inside.

Okay, standard tomb entrance, hallway, forks off…left and right. Left way is locked and trapped. Guess I’ll check the right way first.

It’s there I find the remnants of the Hlaalu expedition. Yes, apparently, there are. survivors. Great, guess I don’t have to fight an army of battlemages all on my onesies. Looks like for once, this is actually going to be a fair fight. Awesome.

I talk to the leader to get the full situation. Okay, so, most of the mages are dead except for a necromancer. He’s still kicking and summoning minions, apparently. What’s more, he’s captured the leader’s sister. Oh, crap, we better get to work. Right, I’ll get the door open…I guess you locked/trapped it on our side, for some reason? Maybe? Because you totally went through there earlier, and it’s currently…whatever, okay, just get ready to kill some skeletons.

Yeah, I’m pumped. Let’s go.

Let’s go.

I’m walking out the door, guys.

I can’t help but notice that you’re not following me.

Okay, see, let me break this down for you. This is your job. Your job, which you are paid for, is to kill skeletons and necromancers. It just so happens that these particular skeletons and necromancers have your sister hostage. There are three of you. The four of us could take on a lot of monsters.

But instead, you are going to send one man to do your job and save your sister from a nigh-unstoppable mage? For no reason.

Well, GOLLY-GOSH, that’s a real interesting plan you’ve you got there, but I’ve got another one. I suggest that I AM GOING TO SHOVE THIS HAT SIDEWAYS UP YOUR–

Okay. Okay. DEEP BREATHS. Happy place. Happy place.

Thaaaat’s better. Okay. Okay.

You know what? Fine. I’ll go in there and do your job, save your sister, and probably let you get all the credit. I’m fine with that. I’ll do my duty while you shirk yours. Now you sit in that corner and twiddle your thumbs and toes, and I will go be the god damned hero in this joint.

Let’s get to work.

I squat down by the door. Lock disabled. Trap disabled. Sword out, shield ready…let’s do this thing.

I open the door, get attacked by a skeleton, and get taken down almost instantly.

This is going to be a long day, isn’t it.

I load, look down, and notice that I don’t quite have full health. Oh, okay, that was probably it. I go outside, rest until healed, and go back in. Take out the lock, take out the trap, open the door…

There are now two skeletons there.

What? Where the hell did he come from? Are they self-replicating, or what?

I run backwards, jabbing at them as I go and trying to avoid their sword swings. There’s no way I can take two of these guys at once. How am I gonna handle them?

A stroke of inspiration hits me: I just have to lead them to the other Hlaalu soldiers. Heh. You guys don’t want to come to the fight, I’ll bring the fight to you.

I set off at a run, sheathing my blade for speed and barreling into the side room full of Hlaalu NPCS. They stand there, a little confused, as the skeletons charge in after me.

Right, there they are. Remember skeletons? Those things you’re being paid to kill? Well, kill them.

What followed was a breathtaking massacre. Of me, by the skeletons, while the NPCs stood by and did absolutely nothing.

Are you guys not scheduled for work today, or what?

In the process of cursing every Hlaalu official ever born and getting hacked down by a couple of skeletons, I did manage to work on a running tactic where I whittled one down and kept away from the other. I think maybe if I run away from the one of them, then keep hitting the other, I can work my way back to the door and rest up outside after killing the first. Then I’ll come back in and deal with round 2. Not terribly glorious, but it’d work, and I could move on.

I load, rest up, pick the lock, pick the trap, open the door…

Three skeletons.

I swear to god I am not making this up.

What follows is not graceful, merciful, or sportsmanlike. What follows is a fight that I have literally no meaningful contribution to. I can’t lift my swordarm without being knocked to the ground. I can’t turn to run without being hacked to bits. I have no potions to drink, no spells to cast…

Spells!

Just as I’m being killed by the skeletons, I remember: I have my racial ability!

I have a 1-use-per-day spell called Adrenaline Rush. It comes with the Redguard territory, and gives me a burst of strength, speed, health…basically, all the vitamins and minerals I need to not get punked as soon as I open that door.

I load, draw an enchanted blade, cast the adrenaline rush, and run up to the door. Of course, knowing my luck, there’ll be four skeletons on the other side this time, but I can probably kill one, go outside, strafe, kill one, go outside, and so on. The boost in speed means I can run circles around them, which means I stand the ghost of a chance.

Lock picked, trap picked. Open the door, and…

There’s nothing there.

I walk inside, a little perplexed. Yep, nobody here. Has the game taken mercy on me?

I take another step. Out of the door ahead of me comes 5 SKELETONS AND A FRIGGIN’ ANCESTRAL GHOST. I don’t even have enough time to press the screenshot button before they brutalize me.

I’m starting to see why those guys didn’t want to come back here.