In a Hostile Country: The Saga of Cahmel (Let’s Play Morrowind, Part 33)
When we last left our hero, he was wandering the streets of Mournhold (Light, Magic, etc) and doing what he does best: solving other people’s problems, doing other people’s jobs, and getting bupley-squack as a result. Seems I got enough of that at home.
Actually, come to think of it, why did I come here, again?
Oh, right, because a Dark Brotherhood assassin tried to kill me. And…failed pretty badly. And in the process, gave me excellent and valuable gear. So, I guess I should do something about that? If I don’t go up against a fortress chock full of highly-trained assassins, I might get attacked by them one at a time in a time and place of my choosing, after a full night’s sleep.
Plus, there’s all kinds of new opportunities here in Mournhold (CoLCoM). I can pay exorbitant sums to babysit an NPC, or pay slightly less to babysit a disease-carrying rodent. And then there’s the…new…fashions? That are uniformly ugly and mustard-colored, and are covered completely by my armor anyway?
New flowers. Except I’m not an alchemist, and I’ve got a reputation to uphold Re: picking flowers anyway. Ever since rumors leaked out about the Crassius situation, I’ve kind of needed to run damage control on that sort of thing.
Oh! That short sword. The one I can’t use, and is too bank-breakingly valuable to sell at a respectful fraction of its price without resorting to massively broken vendors and questionably ethical trading practices.
Actually, come to think of it, why did I come here, again?
Hm. You know, I kind of…I feel like I want to take out those assassins after all, if only to shave a few minutes off of my morning routine. You know how it is; you got to shave, take a shower, make some toast, steal everything in whatever room you wake up in…if I have to juggle fighting assassins along with all that, I might have to cut out breakfast.
Yeah. Okay, I’ll take them out. But first, I want to figure out how to use my new short sword.
It’s probably not a terribly smart move, all considered. I’m good at using a longsword. I’m, like, 60 points lower in Short Blades than Long Blades. I gain levels by using a longsword—it’s one of my tagged skills, so when I bring it up, it brings me closer to leveling. Short swords, not so much. Only thing I’m going to increase by swinging one of those around in a fight is the quantity of my blood on the floor.
But come on—this daedric short sword I picked up during my acting debut is friggin’ amazing. It’d be a sin not to use this thing, and when it comes to this very specific and violence-oriented interpretation of sin, Cahmel is an absolute saint.
Right, it’s settled. I’m learning how to use this thing. Just going to nip back to the main area and find myself a Short Blades trainer. Let’s see, where could I get training…
Aha, of course. I head on over to the Thieves’ Guild. Hey, remember me? It’s Cahmel, that guy who showed up, joined, and never actually did any missions. Uh, yeah, about that. I think I’d be a far more effective employee if you sent me to an employee education seminar on the utility and versatility of the backstabbin’ knife. Sign me up for a shanking workshop, my good man!
What’s that? You won’t train me because I betrayed the Thieves’ Guild? When did I do that? Oh, yeah, if you’re going to nitpick, I guess there was that one time I used my position to gain the confidence of and then compromise one of your best spies to further my career as a member of Hlaalu, but you’re not going to hold a grudge, are you?
You are?
Screw you guys.
Okay, think, Cahmel. Who else knows how to train in short blades?
Aha, that’s it! I’ll go to House Hlaalu—
Bad idea. Bad idea.
Running out of ideas, here. Well…I guess there is that one guild, the Morag Tong. They’re the local equivalent of the Dark Brotherhood, except they’re legal and have marginally better dress sense. Everything they do is strictly by the book—they have honorable writs of execution, executed by trainer executioners exercising the excesses of executives. It’s a rigidly-organized, highly formal society of honorable agents.
Anyway, I show up at their offices. I talk to the first guy I see. I imagine our conversation going something like this:
“Hi, I’m Cahmel. Do you guys have Short Blade trainers?”
“Yep.”
“I am awestruck at the worthiness and grandeur of your noble profession. I wish to join you, and be taught in the ways of justice, respect, and murderous knife-stabbing.”
“Knife-stabbing?”
“Yeah, with the short blades. Don’t let the fact that it was said in a comically different tone from the other items fool you, I’m totally not just joining your ranks so you’ll train me to—“
“I’ll train you now if you want.”
“…what? You mean, you’ll train me in short blades, even though I’m not one of your order?”
“You got money?”
“Is Crassius a bit on the fruity side?”
“What?”
“Yeah, I got money. But…”
“I’m ready when you are.”
“You’re not even going to check my character?”
“Nope.”
“References?”
“Nope.”
“Background?”
“Nope.”
“That I don’t have a history of striking important and unarmed personages?”
“Nope.”
“My indecent exposure charges?”
“Nope.”
“Basically, all you need to know is my name and whether or not I have money.”
“Did you say yer name? I was busy thinking ‘bout cookies.”
“…remind me why you guys have a reputation of responsibility, again?”
One training montage later, I’m somewhat acquainted with the arts of poking things with a slightly shorter metal stick until their insides aren’t. Time to put this knowledge to the test!
I wander out into the wilderness, searching for a place to try out my newfound knowledge. Hey, an ancestral tomb. Let’s go desecrate the sacred resting ground, despoil the remains of the dearly departed, and sell all of the priceless artifacts and beloved valuables inside to a pawnbroker who smells like scrib jerky gone bad.
I walk inside and…
I've got a bone to pick with you, mister.
Hey, isn’t that a Bonewalker? AKA, Terrifying Zombie Thing? AKA, Cursey McPoxpants? AKA, Saps Your Goddamned Strength and Leaves You to Rot?
This time, it’s going to be different. And by that, I mean I’m probably not going to actually cry as he turns me into a withered husk.
Probably.
Like a 40-60 chance.
I love this game, and I really enjoy the adventures of Cahmel. Please, please keep updating!
Oh-uh spaghetti-os on the Bonewalker there. Although he looks pretty buff for a pile of dry bones…
It sounds from these comments as though some other commenters are actually able to see the bonewalker. To me that screenshot is just a dim torch and a bare outline of what I thought was a guy with a backpack but looking closer I see is a figure walking into a tunnel (the walking guy made up the arm of my “guy with a backpack” illusion). I went back up to the other screenshot to explain how that one was the right brightness but then I realized that all I’d seen was the figure of the guy and there’s actually a fist punching him on his right side.
You can lighten them a little in Paint.net or photoshop by making a duplicate layer and setting it to “Screen,” maybe changing the opacity a little. Or maybe turn on gamma correction in the game itself.
Anyone else having this problem?
I shoulda just done this first: here’s a screenshot of your screenshot. But of course the text is what I really come here for anyway.
I guess you were in Balmora, so you wouldn’t have been let join anyway. No, one must find the super-secret rat-guarded common-knowledge headquarters in the City of Infinite Mazes. They probably just want to keep any ‘members’ out of the club.
When you think about Cahmel’s guild-ventures so far, just letting him pay for training without membership seems a very wise move indeed. (In my opinion the missions and pay are fine though, and they would be unlikely to end up with a fist to their face.)
Yeah, why doesn’t Cahmel join the Right Honourable Guild of Stabbing People and General Murderousness? It seems to fit his personality, the quests are actually decent, and all you have to do is visit their headquarters in Viv…right, bad idea.
Still enjoying Cahmel’s exploits, keep ’em coming!
On the subject of image visibility, I’ve found Morrowind screenshots clean up nicely if you dial up the brightness and saturation about 25% in any image-editing program you might have (the latter to offset the washed-out look of the former).
On the subject of bonewalkers, I’ve heard (but haven’t confirmed for myself) that if your strength gets sapped and you leave the bonewalker alive for 30-60 seconds (yeah, there’s a reason I haven’t confirmed this), the effect wears off, but if you kill it before then, the drain becomes permanent-until-healed.
Noumenon, you might have to up your monitor’s brightness a little if you have trouble seeing the fist. The bonewalker is, as Rutskarn mentioned in his last encounter with him, hard to see.
Cahmel went there because it was the city Of LIGHT. MAGIC, even.
/cast “Damage Strength”
I remember finding a robe of feather in one of the tombs.
Though in that same game I had a “Tent of holding” that I popped open that could hold any thing inside it.(Including the dozens of Weapons I don’t use! Hurrah! I’ll just keep using my modded golden scythe of over kill.)
Ah mods…
20$ on the bonewalker!
Adalore, you might be thinking of Redas’ Robe of Deeds, in the Redas ancestral tomb just south of Maar Gan. Constant effect feather 50 points and detect animal that only works some of the time?
Dark Brotherhood conversation is good stuff. Also, lol @ CoLCoM.
Bah, not Maar Gan. Molag Mar. For some reason, I keep getting those two mixed up.